To Hell With Your Portfolio! Scorpion's Guide to Crushing Wall Street (Or Getting Crushed Trying!)

Get Over Here... and Listen Up!

Foolish mortals! Scorpion has arrived to shed light on the financial realm a place as treacherous as the Netherrealm itself. Wall Street prepares for a long weekend of… rest? Ha! While they sip their fancy drinks earnings season looms a tournament where fortunes rise and fall faster than Quan Chi's schemes. Goldman Sachs those cagey sorcerers of finance suggest a call buying strategy. Hmm… a wager that stocks will rise? "Get over here!" and let's dissect this before your portfolio suffers a fatality.

Put Buying Pressure? More Like Pitiful!

Apparently these so called 'analysts' believe that the market's fear – the put buying as they call it – is at 'extreme levels.' They claim this fear is a sign of relief rallies to come after the numbers are released. A bold claim indeed! Perhaps they should test their theories in the Living Forest. Many have tried to predict the future few have survived. Remember Shao Kahn's hubris? I do.

Earnings Day Implied Moves: Dangerously High!

These 'experts' admit that investors are 'unusually nervous.' Nervous? They should try facing Sub Zero in the Arctic! Still this fear creates opportunity. Goldman Sachs notes that implied moves are near 15 year highs. High risk high reward. But remember gambling on the market is like facing Shang Tsung – he'll steal your soul (and your savings) if you're not careful.

Toasty Targets: The Chosen Ones

Goldman Sachs in their infinite wisdom has deemed certain stocks worthy of your… attention. Thermo Fisher Scientific Danaher Adobe Walt Disney and Salesforce. Names that echo through the halls of Wall Street but will they survive my scrutiny? Only time and the whims of the market gods will tell. They believe that if you reach their price targets before your call options expire in July that you could be rewarded. 'Assuming the contract is executed at that point.' HA!

The Price of Vengeance (and Options)

Let's be clear Kombatants. This 'call buying' is not for the faint of heart. If those stocks fail to rise above the strike price your 'premium paid' will vanish faster than a soul ripped from a body! Consider this your final warning. This is high risk high reward! Even I am not invincible to such risks. Be wary. Make sure this path is for you.

Finish Him! (Or Her… or It…)

So heed my words foolish mortals! Tread carefully in this earnings season arena. Whether you choose to follow Goldman Sachs' advice or forge your own path remember: knowledge is your greatest weapon. Now if you'll excuse me I have a certain Lin Kuei grandmaster to find. *Scorpion teleports away in a burst of hellfire*.