Get Over Here and Claim Your Benefits! Social Security Changes Revealed!

To Hell With Fraud!

Foolish mortals! Scorpion has learned that the Social Security Administration is implementing new 'anti fraud' measures starting this Monday! They claim it's to stop the forces of darkness from stealing your hard earned coins. Bah! As if Shao Kahn himself is after your retirement funds. But hear me the Netherrealm's fury is reserved for those who deserve it unlike these bureaucratic meddlers!

Retirement? Get Over Here!

Retirement survivor spousal or even your bratty kid's benefits? All can still be done over the phone! Previously the SSA demanded a face to face an 'identity proofing.' It seems even they realized that making you travel to their lair was a fatal mistake. But don't get cocky; Disability Medicare and SSI claims were already on the phone so this is as impressive as Sub Zero’s ice sculpture collection.

Direct Deposit? Not Today!

HA! They had plans to make you visit in person for direct deposit info but thankfully they didn't mention any changes to it after this update. Perhaps they feared my wrath? Or maybe they just realized how stupid that idea was. One can only hope they have learned their lesson. Now to ensure that all the elder gods are protected!

Trump's Efficiency? More Like Inefficiency!

The 'Department of Government Efficiency' seeks to curb waste fraud and abuse. As if wasting time and creating more chaos is efficient! It's like saying Kotal Kahn is a diplomat! The SSA's website outages and long wait times make this worse driving more mortals to their offices. Perhaps they should focus on fixing their servers before harassing old folks.

Concerns? Let Them Wail!

Social Security experts and advocates whine about making benefits harder to access. Boo hoo! Cry me a river of blood! AARP that bunch of whiners are somewhat pleased but want even more time. As if these old men actually need more time! Bill Sweeney the vice president of the AARP said 'This seems like a pretty good and encouraging signal that they're listening to folks.' Listening? More like cowering in fear of the inevitable!

Some Must Still Face My Fury!

Sadly some of you will still have to visit those infernal offices. About 70,000 out of 4.5 million claims might get flagged. So congratulations you're special! But don't fret the SSA posted on X (a strange place indeed) that 'Telephone remains a viable option to the public.' As viable as Johnny Cage as a serious actor. Most seniors would have to travel over 45 miles to get to the closest Social Security office if they can even drive! But so many lack the power to travel far it is only fair that the elder gods should take pity on these souls. Such inconvenience! I grow weary of their antics!