GET OVER HERE! Crypto Kingpin Says Crank It to 40% or Face My WRATH!

FINISH HIM! From 1% to Forty!

Hmph! Four years ago this…Edelman…dared to suggest a mere 1% dabbling in crypto? Pathetic! Now he screams from the rooftops – FORTY PERCENT! "Get over here!" and listen he says. He calls it 'astonishing.' I call it…progress. Clearly the fires of the Netherrealm have singed his shorts and he finally sees the light (or the darkness depending on your allegiance). He once whispered sweet nothings of 1% crypto allocation now bellows for 40%. The winds of change carry the scent of crypto and even the most stubborn warriors must adapt.

The Times They Are A Changin' (or Burnin'!)

Bah! Edelman claims it's the "evolution of crypto." I say it's the inevitable triumph of digital dominance! Four years ago fools questioned Bitcoin's very existence! They feared government bans and technological obsolescence. Now? "Toasty!" Mainstream adoption is here and those who resisted…will burn. Those questions have been answered with the searing flames of crypto adoption. "Get over here!" and witness the rise of the digital empire. The old guard trembles as Bitcoin ETFs amass fortunes proving crypto's grip on the financial world is tightening.

60/40? More Like 60/40…TO HELL!

This '60/40 model' he speaks of? Obsolete! As outdated as Quan Chi's fashion sense! With humans living longer than ever (thanks presumably to sorcery and questionable medical advancements) bonds are for the weak! "You're next!" Bonds have failed to deliver the returns needed in this new era and equities alone cannot bear the burden. The traditional pillars of investment crumble before the might of…crypto!

Crypto: The Ultimate Portfolio Power Up!

Edelman in his newfound wisdom now understands: crypto dances to its own infernal rhythm. Unchained from stocks bonds gold and oil it's the wildcard in your arsenal. It's the Special Move that shatters the defenses of traditional investing. Modern Portfolio Theory bows before the might of Bitcoin! "Get over here!" Investors crave those sweet uncorrelated returns. Embrace the chaos embrace the crypto! It is a wondrous way to improve modern portfolio theory statistics.

Predictions: From Peanuts to Palaces

Analysts whisper of $150,000 $250,000 even $500,000 Bitcoin by decade's end! Edelman calls it "conservative." I say let the fires of speculation burn bright! Such numbers are mere appetizers before the main course of crypto domination. He said "That's a conservative estimate compared to what others are saying." Hmph! He dares to speak of estimations. I've seen timelines shatter realms collide – a few extra zeros on a digital ledger are nothing!

Hacks and Hypocrisy: A Scorpion's Eye View

Of course shadows lurk. $2.1 billion stolen in crypto hacks? Pathetic! These are not warriors but mere thieves. But in the grand scheme such setbacks are but pebbles on the path to ultimate power. And what of this Trump advisor and his crypto mortgage scheme? Let the mortals squabble over the details. The future is digital and crypto will be at its heart. The Senate targets end of September for crypto bill. The battle for the future of crypto rages on. Soon the realms will be one!