HUGE WIN! Stock Market Jumps Higher Than My Moral Standards!

From Liberation Day to Celebration Day?

Alright folks Saul Goodman here your trusted (wink wink) legal and financial analyst. Forget 'Liberation Day,' looks like we're having a 'Let's Get Rich Quick Day!' The stock market's gone wild after the U.S. and China decided to play nice for 90 days and trim those pesky tariffs. Seems like everyone's saying 'Better Call Saul!' for investment advice now huh? Well don't actually call me I'm kinda busy with 'other stuff'.

A Thousand Points of...Profit!

The Dow Jones Industrial Average jumped higher than Jesse Pinkman on a Tuesday afternoon gaining over 1,000 points! That's right folks a thousand! S&P 500 and Nasdaq 100 are also partying hard. It's like Christmas in December! Except instead of presents we're getting... uh... potential profit margins! Yeah let's go with that.

30%? 10%? Numbers are Fun!

So the U.S. cut its tariffs on Chinese imports to 30% and China lowered its on American products to 10%. Now I'm not a math whiz like that Heisenberg guy (chemistry not commerce ya know?) but even I can see that's a step in the right direction. Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent is even schmoozing with the Chinese again soon. Maybe they'll grab some lunch? Discuss... finer points of international fraud... I mean trade!

Lower Than Expected? Low Expectations People!

Some egghead named Adam Crisafulli is saying this tariff reduction is 'steeper than traders anticipated.' Well folks that's because expectations were so low they were practically buried in the desert! Remember when Trump was threatening an 80% tariff? Yikes! Glad that didn't happen but hey fear sells baby! Fear sells!

Gold is Out Stocks are In!

Turns out those "safe haven" investments? Gold and Treasurys? They took a nosedive faster than my reputation after the whole Walter White fiasco. Everyone's scrambling for stocks apparently! Gold's down and the 10 year Treasury note yield? Up! It's like the financial world is doing the Macarena!

Proceed With Caution! (I Always Do)

Hold your horses there partner Crisafulli guy is waving a red flag warning us to remain cautious. Seems like even with this little agreement tariffs are still gonna be higher than they used to be. And he claims the S&P 500 could surge if the White House would just "simply impose a 10% reciprocal tariff on the world and moves on from its trade war by July," but he doubts it. Don't hold your breath folks. And remember when the going gets tough you don't want a criminal lawyer you want a *criminal* lawyer.