Better Call Saul's Stock Picks: Wall Street's Hottest Tips, Served With a Side of Sarcasm!

Texas Instruments: Staying the Course (or Coors Light?)

Alright folks Saul Goodman here your friendly neighborhood lawyer... and now apparently a financial guru. JPMorgan is sticking with Texas Instruments even after dropping the price target like a bad habit. They say TI had a 'better than expected' quarter. Well isn't that special? Just like finding a crisp $100 bill in your laundromat dryer. You stick with it even if it smells a little like bleach and desperation.

IBM: Defensive Holding? More Like Witness Protection Program!

Bank of America is calling IBM a 'defensive holding.' Defensive? Sounds like something I'd recommend for a client facing a RICO charge! They say it's got 'improving rev growth.' Translation: IBM is trying to stay relevant in a world that's moved on to TikTok and avocado toast. But hey if BofA says buy who am I to argue? (Besides I hear they have great lawyers... just in case.)

ServiceNow: Ka Ching! It's Showtime Folks!

Goldman Sachs is all in on ServiceNow raising their price target higher than Badger on a Saturday night. 'Strong results on all key metrics,' they say. Sounds impressive! Like getting away with tax evasion only you know legal ish. If Goldman's buying maybe it's time to consider it. Money is better than no money. You know what I'm saying?

AT&T: Safe Haven or Cellular Blackmail?

Bernstein calls AT&T a 'safe haven.' Safe haven? More like a necessary evil! Gotta have that internet right? 'Subscriber count is up,' they chirp. Of course it is! Who are we going to call? But with margins expanding that quickly maybe its time to jump on the bandwagon and make some coin. They say margins are expanding but what about my pockets huh? Let's get that bread people!

Tesla: The Model 2 'Affordable' or Just Plain Cheap?

Argus is telling us to buy Tesla saying the shares are 'too compelling to ignore.' Too compelling? Like a free lunch? They're banking on a new 'affordable' electric vehicle. Affordable for who? Maybe Walter White after a few successful cooks. But hey if you've got the cash roll the dice. Maybe you'll strike black gold or maybe you'll end up like Jesse Pinkman: a little worse for wear.

Meta M&T Bank Huntington Bancshares Apple Nvidia Amazon Chipotle Microsoft Edwards Life Sciences Utz : More Gambles Than Vegas!

Deutsche Bank is sticking with Meta HSBC upgraded TE Connectivity JPMorgan upgraded Cadence Design Systems Bank of America is reiterating Apple as Buy Piper Sandler is reiterating Nvidia as overweight Deutsche Bank upgrades M & T Bank and Huntington Bancshares to buy from hold Citi reiterates Amazon as buy Goldman Sachs reiterates Chipotle as buy Goldman Sachs reiterates Microsoft as buy Piper Sandler upgrades Edwards Life Sciences to overweight from neutral Wells Fargo reiterates Goldman Sachs as overweight DA Davidson upgrades Utz to buy from neutral. Whew! That's a whole lot of 'buy buy buy!' Sounds like someone's got a fever and the only prescription is more cowbell... or maybe just a good lawyer to help you navigate the fallout when your portfolio implodes. Just remember folks: 'If you're committed enough you can make any story work.' Even if that story is your own financial ruin. So invest wisely... or at least invest in a good legal defense fund.