Better Call Saul: New ETFs Let You Profit From Market Mayhem! (Maybe...)

Is This Thing On? (And Is It Legal?)

Alright folks Saul Goodman here your favorite (and possibly only) lawyer with a financial column! So these Innovator Capital Management types are rollin' out these fancy new "Equity Dual Directional 15 Buffer ETF — July (DDFL)" and "Equity Dual Directional 10 Buffer ETF — July (DDTL)." Catchy names right? Makes you wanna buy 'em up like hotcakes... or maybe funnel cakes. But what are they? Seems like they're tryin' to sell you a money making machine that works whether the market's doin' the tango or the cha cha slide. Sounds like a 'have your cake and eat it too' kinda deal which frankly smells a little...*fishy.*

The Fine Print: Where the Devil Dances

Now before you go mortgaging your house to buy into this let's get real. These things have a cap on how much you can make when the market's doin' good. It's like they're saying "Yeah you can party but only 'til midnight!" And if the market tanks they'll soften the blow. But like a marriage counselor with a gambling problem they can't fix EVERYTHING. If the market goes full on apocalypse these funds are still gonna feel the pinch. Remember there's no such thing as a free lunch... except maybe at those fancy investment seminars where they try to sell you beachfront property in the desert.

Buffer Funds: The New Band Aid?

Apparently these fancy ETFs are part of this "defined outcome funds" trend. Now I'm no Einstein (though I AM pretty smart for a lawyer) but seems like buffer funds are the new kid on the block after the market took a nosedive back in '22. Graham Day Innovator's main brain says they're using options to hedge your bets. That's fancy talk for "we're gamblin' with your money but hopefully in a smart way!"

The Upside Downside (And the Sideways Side?)

Here's the deal. You can make money if the market goes up up to a certain point (the 'cap'). You can ALSO make money if the market goes down up to a point. But if it goes down TOO much you're back to square one only with lighter pockets. That 0.79% management fee ain't gonna pay itself y'know! And remember the "10" fund has a 12.59% cap while the "15" fund is at 8.79%. So less risk less reward and vice versa. Just remember you are giving up some upside potential in positive markets in order to make money in negative markets. It's a trade off like choosing between a Cadillac and a colonoscopy... both have their pros and cons.

Hold On Tight (For 12 Months At Least!)

These things are built using "customizable FLEX options," which sounds like something you'd order at a yoga studio. And they're designed to be held for a year so don't go thinkin' you can flip 'em like a pancake. Buying and selling in between can lead to... well let's just say it might not go according to plan. And if it doesn't? Don't come cryin' to me I'm busy defendin' folks who thought they could cook meth in their RV.

So Should You Bite? (Maybe But Call Me First)

Innovator thinks you should use these instead of fixed income investments especially if you're worried about BOTH stocks and bonds tanking at the same time. And ProShares is already launchin' their own version that resets daily. Look the market is always changing that’s why I keep a low profile kind of like a criminal. So is this a game changer? Maybe. Is it a guaranteed win? Absolutely not! Before you jump in get some advice from someone who knows what they're doing. Or you know just call me. I might not know finance but I know people. And sometimes that's even better.