Hasta la Vista, Baby… to Your Underfunded Retirement? Vanguard's 401(k) Report Reveals the Future (If You Can Afford It)

No Fate But What We Save

Alright listen up people. Sarah Connor here. I've seen the future and it's not pretty. Skynet... I mean underfunded retirement is coming for us all. This new report from Vanguard says Americans are socking away more in their 401(k)s averaging about $148,153. Median is closer to $38,176. But let's be real that's not enough to fight a T 1000 let alone live comfortably when you're old and cranky. As if you're not cranky already.

Age of the Machine… or Age of Retirement?

The report breaks down savings by age. Shocker: the older you are the more you probably have. But here’s the kicker: once you hit retirement that balance starts to shrink faster than the Terminator in a vat of molten steel. The median balance actually dips slightly after 65. We're supposed to trust this system? Please. I trust a plasma rifle more than I trust the stock market.

15 Percent? More Like 15 Missiles to Your Financial Freedom

Experts recommend saving 15% of your income. Easy for them to say. Try saving 15% when you're running from cyborgs and trying to save the world. But seriously if you can swing it do it. Especially if your company matches. Free money is like finding a fully loaded weapons cache in the desert. You take it.

No 401(k)? No Problem… Maybe

No 401(k)? Don't panic. There are other ways to fight the future. IRAs are your next best bet. Roth or traditional pick your poison. Just make sure you're contributing. It's your responsibility to take care of yourself no one is going to look after you because that's what people do. They get looked after. And they forget.

Robo Advisors: Because Humans Are Overrated

If you're scared of DIYing your retirement robo advisors are an option. Let a machine manage your money. Ironic isn't it? Trusting machines with our financial future after everything I've been through. But hey sometimes you gotta use the enemy's technology against them. Just don't let them become self aware.

CNBC Select: Your Allies in the War Against Poverty

CNBC Select wants you to maximize your money. Listen to them. Read their articles. Stay informed. Because knowledge is power and power is what you need to survive. The future is not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves. That includes building a retirement fund that can withstand anything even a nuclear apocalypse.