Hasta La Vista, Baby...To This Budget Bill? Johnson's Deadline Dilemma

The Resistance: It Never Ends

Alright listen up people. Sarah Connor here reporting from the front lines of this… budget war. Seems our esteemed Speaker of the House Mike Johnson is sweating bullets trying to get this 'nation shaping' budget bill through Congress. He's aiming for Memorial Day. Memorial Day! As if we don't have bigger things to worry about like you know the machines rising again? But hey at least this time the threat comes in the form of spreadsheets and committee meetings.

Trump's 'Big Beautiful Bill': More Like a Big Beautiful Mess

Of course Trump's chiming in bless his… well you know. He's calling it 'THE ONE BIG BEAUTIFUL BILL' on Truth Social. Gotta love the subtlety. But here's the kicker: even *Republicans* are jumping ship. Apparently some of them – Ralph Norman and Chip Roy I'm looking at you – have concerns about Medicaid requirements and spending. Imagine that: Republicans worried about spending! It's like a Terminator suddenly developing a conscience. Wait a minute...

Hasta La Vista Baby...To Rational Fiscal Policy

Roy's even yelling about 'writing checks we cannot cash' and our kids paying the price. Ironic considering the world my kid has to live in thanks to Skynet. At least he's got a valid point. "We are writing checks we cannot cash and our children are gonna pay the price," Roy said to the press Friday. Johnson’s waving his hands blaming state system upgrades. Classic Washington shuffle. 'There is no fate but what we make for ourselves.' Unless of course it's a poorly implemented government program. Then we're all doomed.

The Senate: Titanic Edition

Then there's the Senate. Senator Ron Johnson's calling the bill 'the Titanic.' That's not exactly a vote of confidence is it? Johnson claims he's been chatting with Senate Majority Leader John Thune to smooth things over. 'Come with me if you want to live,' he probably didn't say. But if this budget bill is as seaworthy as the Titanic we're all going down – again.

Double the Deadlines Double the Fun!

And if Memorial Day wasn't stressful enough Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent is saying they need to get this done by July 4th. Two deadlines? It's like facing two Terminators at once! At least with machines you can use a shotgun. With politicians? You need a whole arsenal of patience and maybe a good stiff drink. Lots of drinks.

No Fate But What We Make...Or Do We?

So there you have it. A budget bill a looming deadline and enough political drama to make Skynet blush. Will they pull it off? Will the world end before Memorial Day? Stay tuned. This is Sarah Connor signing off. Remember: the future is not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves...except when it comes to the national debt. That might be inevitable.