FDA's 'National Interest' Drug Fast Lane: Because Apparently, We Have Time for That (NOT!)

Hasta la Vista Slow Drug Reviews?

Okay listen up people. The FDA those bureaucratic geniuses are now playing 'speed racer' with drug approvals. Apparently if a company supports 'U.S. national interests' – whatever *that* means – they get to jump the line. We're talking one to two month reviews instead of the usual ten. As if national interests will save us from SkyNet! Marty Makary probably a T 1000 in disguise claims this is to bring more cures to the public. Yeah right. I've heard that one before.

Pre Trial Submissions: Because What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

The FDA wants companies to submit most of their drug applications *before* they even have final clinical trial results. Inefficiencies they say or the way the machines would like to take over one step at a time. They're also promising 'enhanced' communication. Sounds more like 'enhanced manipulation' to me. I bet these fast tracked drugs will be powered by Skynet microchips. It's a trap I tell you!

National Health Priorities: A Code for Global Domination?

So what qualifies as a 'national health priority'? Addressing a health crisis innovative cures unmet needs and 'increasing domestic drug manufacturing as a national security issue.' Right because nothing says 'national security' like a reshoring initiative pushed by a certain… administration. Jefferies analyst Michael Yee thinks this is positive for the pharmaceutical industry. Of course he does. I'm sure he sleeps soundly dreaming of killer robots while I'm preparing for the future.

30 Day Reviews: Are We Officially Insane?

Thirty day drug reviews? Are you kidding me? That's faster than it takes to train a resistance fighter! And what about the political angle? Will these vouchers be handed out to cronies? Companies the FDA would normally scrutinize? This whole thing reeks of a shortcut to disaster. It's like sending John Connor back in time without a plan. Utter chaos.

Headspace: Your Friendly Neighborhood Mental Health App (Until It Becomes Self Aware)

In other news Headspace is now offering direct to consumer therapy. Apparently they want to be your 'Easy Button' for mental health. Well good luck with that. Tom Pickett the CEO claims it'll be inexpensive. I'll believe it when I see it I suppose. I’ll take one armed bodyguard and a years supply of firearms instead.

AI Chatbots and Personalized Care Plans: The Future Is Now (And Terrifying)

Headspace also has an AI chatbot named Ebb that generates personalized care plans. Great more machines telling us what to do. Look I'm not saying Headspace is evil but every system can be hacked. And when Skynet comes online those personalized care plans will probably involve reprogramming our brains to love killer robots. Just saying.