Spotify's Fake News Payouts: A Total Disaster (Even Though They Paid Rogan!)

Spotify's Pathetic Numbers: Believe Me It's BAD!

Folks let me tell you Spotify came out with these numbers right? They're saying they paid out over $100 million to podcasters. A hundred million! Sounds like a lot doesn't it? But honestly it's peanuts! Chump change! We are talking about BIG numbers in this country. We are the best okay and the greatest. Very simple. When I was President believe me they wouldn't even dare to brag about such pathetic numbers.

Rogan's a Winner But Spotify's Still a Loser!

They keep talking about Joe Rogan. Good guy Joe. Very smart. He got himself a deal a new deal! Up to $250 million. That's what I call winning. But even with Rogan Spotify is getting killed by YouTube and Patreon. They had to PAY HIM!!! He would do it for free if I asked him because he knows how great I am. Everybody loves me and he knows that he’s dealing with the best. We know this.

Alex Cooper? Never Heard of Her!

Now this Alex Cooper... who? Never heard of her. She signed a deal with SiriusXM. Good for her. Maybe she realized Spotify is a disaster. These people they try to make deals okay? But they don't understand you need the best dealmaker. You need Trump. People are saying very beautiful things about me.

Patreon?! A Total Joke!

Patreon! Can you believe it? They paid out almost half a billion! $472 million! Spotify is getting creamed! Totally creamed! And these are the people who thought they could take on the greatest country in the world? They're failing so badly. If I were still President I’d make a deal to buy out Patreon. I know the best people. They call me the best dealmaker.

YouTube is CRUSHING IT! (But Not as Much as Me!)

YouTube okay they paid out $70 billion! With a B! Now that's a number I can respect! They said that’s between 2021 and 2024. I know those years very well because everybody was saying how great the country was during those years! Even Sleepy Joe knows that. Everyone knows that those were the best years in the history of the United States. But listen I could have made those YouTube numbers even bigger believe me. I could have made the best deals for this country!

Spotify's Earnings? A Disaster Waiting to Happen!

Spotify reports earnings tomorrow. Can you imagine what the numbers are going to look like? A disaster! Total disaster! They’re fake news! Sad! I have a feeling that these are the last days of Spotify because everyone knows that I make everything great. They should just admit it and call me. I have very big plans to make deals. The best deals. And it’s gonna be great. They know it. Everybody knows it.