Saving for Nuptials: A Predator's Guide to Human Mating Rituals and Financial Sacrifices... Yautja Style!

The Hunt Begins: A Female's Fiscal Folly

I have been observing this human female. She speaks of 'saving' and 'investments.' Primitive yet amusing. Until recently she splurged like a drunken space pirate on Raxacoricofallapatorius. Then a male… an engagement. Now she hoards shiny trinkets for a 'wedding.' It seems even these soft creatures are slaves to ritual. Such weakness! 'If it bleeds we can kill it' but can it save?

Compounding Interest: A Predator's Puzzlement

She understands 'compounding interest' – the magic of making money from money. Yet she sacrifices future riches for fleeting pleasures like a ‘DJ’ and ‘crab cake sliders.’ The irony is thicker than the jungle foliage on a Ghorr planet. She robs her future self. Such short sightedness is a hunter's dream. Easy prey these humans are.

Financial Therapy: A Yautja's Guide to Mental Fortitude... NOT!

She seeks guidance from a 'financial therapist.' A healer of wallets! The galaxy is full of wonders but this… this is entertainment. The therapist speaks of 'seasons' and 'priorities.' Sounds like a complicated hunt to me. A true Yautja solves problems with plasma cannons not soothing words! 'Here take this,' coughs 'it will help you relax'. Humans are so strange!

Reverse Budgeting: A Predator's Preferred Method (of Spending)

She attempts 'reverse budgeting' – spending what remains after setting aside the necessary tributes. She admits to failure. Hah! Even their own methods betray them! I say take what you need leave nothing for the carrion eaters. Spend first ask questions later. This is the Yautja way!

Core Values: Trinkets for the Tribe

The therapist suggests defining 'core values' to justify spending. If 'connection with friends' is key she shouldn't feel bad about expensive outings. I however value honor skill and the thrill of the hunt. Splurging on cloaking devices and wrist blades is always justifiable. 'Want some candy?' said no. 'I don't want candy'

Grace and Plasma Cannons: A Predator's Parting Shot

The therapist urges her to stop self flagellation. 'Give yourself grace,' she says. I say give yourself plasma! This human custom of weddings... a peculiar game. But remember little human anxiety is just another form of fear. And fear... is something a Yautja can always exploit. The hunt continues.