OpenAI Makes a Big Score: Jony Ive's Startup Swallowed Whole!

If It Bleeds We Can Acquire It!

What in the jungle is going on here? It seems the upstarts at OpenAI have made a…deal. A big one. They’re snatching up Jony Ive's little tech nest io for a whopping $6.4 billion. All equity which means they're trading in their future kills for this one. Seems like a fair trade. Makes you wonder though what shiny trinkets were in that nest to warrant such a price. This Ive fellow is taking on “deep creative and design responsibilities.” Hah! Sounds like a fancy title for 'chief problem solver' when their creations start malfunctioning. And they always do.

One Year to Make it Disappear!

The prey… I mean 'io team,' was founded just a year ago. Young blood. Ive and some Apple alumni – Cannon Tan Hankey. Probably thought they were safe building their little empire. 'io team focused on developing products that inspire empower and enable will now merge with OpenAI to work more intimately with the research engineering and product teams in San Francisco,' the post said. But now? They're part of the machine. Like that Mudder said 'If it bleeds we can kill it'... Or in this case acquire it!

Paying Up: No Trophies Here

OpenAI claims they're only coughing up $5 billion since they already owned 23% of io. Smart move I guess. Less to bleed. But still a hefty price for… what exactly? 'The purchase is by far OpenAI's largest and comes weeks after the company agreed to buy AI assisted coding tool Windsurf for $3 billion.' All the better for the hunt more toys to play with. They also ate Rockset for a smaller sum in 2024. 'No time to bleed,' as they say. Except when you're paying for it.

LoveFrom? More Like LostFrom!

This Ive character he left Apple to start something called LoveFrom. Sounds like a hippie commune. Turns out they charge clients up to $200 million a year. For what? Designing fancy coffee makers? LoveFrom says on its website that it was founded by Ive and designer Marc Newson but the doesn't say anything about what the company does or include any mention of io. The article claims he designed iconic Apple products but can he survive the jungle? I mean the cutthroat world of AI?

The Generative AI Race: Run!

OpenAI is valued at $300 billion. SoftBank leads the hunt to stay ahead in the generative AI race. Google Anthropic Elon Musk's xAI… all vying for the top spot. Sounds like a worthy challenge. Remember “if it bleeds we can kill it.” Or acquire it as these softskins seem to prefer. Gotta shore up hardware operations. They even hired some Meta scrap to lead robotics. Ambitious... for humans. Now can they handle the pressure?

AI and Physical Intelligence: A New Breed of Hunter?

OpenAI also invested in Physical Intelligence a robot startup. Sounds like they're trying to build their own army. Bezos is in on it too. These robots focus on bringing general purpose AI into the physical world. General purpose? Ha! Good luck teaching a machine the thrill of the hunt. Still if these apes manage to combine AI with physical strength the sport could get interesting. But one thing is for certain: the hunt will never be the same. The weak will become the dominated. The strong... will live to hunt another day!