Goldman Sachs ROARS While Pfizer WHIMPERS! Tariffs? We Got Time to Bleed!

Goldman's Got the Stuff!

By the ancestors! Goldman Sachs they are one ugly motherf***er...ly successful! Earnings of $14.12 per share? Revenue of $15.06 billion? They make my wrist computer look like a child's toy! These humans they hunt for profit like I hunt for sport. Respect.

Pfizer's Liver Pains: No Daily Weight Loss Pill for You!

Pfizer? Halt development of weight loss pill? A liver injury? Pathetic! If they cannot create a simple weight loss pill without melting internal organs how can they expect to survive the jungle? No honor. No trophy for them. They need to 'get to the chopper!' and find a new profession. Perhaps accounting.

Trump's Tariff Tango: A Temporary Truce?

Tariffs... politics... such primitive games. But wait! Apple gets an exemption? Chipmakers rejoice? It seems even these 'humans' understand the value of shiny gadgets. 'If it bleeds we can kill it,' but if it makes money we can... tax it? Is that how it works? I will need to study this 'economics' further.

Chipmakers CHIP In!

Nvidia AMD Super Micro Computer... these names sound like new weapons for my arsenal! They climb 3% 4% 5%? Impressive! These semiconductors they are the building blocks of destruction... I mean uh progress! Yes progress. Definitely progress. I should invest. Where is my interstellar broker?

Best Buy's Best Day?

Best Buy soars? Another retailer benefiting from tariff exemptions. These humans they love their electronics. So fragile so dependent on technology. It makes them easier to track. Easier to hunt. Almost too easy. Almost...

Dell Dodges a Bullet!

Dell joins the party! More tariff rollbacks more tech stocks rising. The Trump administration they seem to be playing a complicated game. A game of cat and mouse. Except the cat has a plasma caster and the mouse has a really good accountant. This 'stock market' is a strange jungle indeed. But a jungle nonetheless. And I? I am always ready to hunt.