Oh Dear! My Wages Vanishing Like Biscuits from a Biscuit Tin!

The Great Student Loan Escape… Foiled!

Right so imagine this: I’ve finally managed to get the telly working (after only slightly electrocuting myself) and suddenly the news blares about… money. Specifically other people's money! Apparently these 'student loans' – things I know absolutely nothing about naturally – are now coming back to haunt people! Like when Teddy goes missing but then turns up in the fruit bowl. It seems the Trump people who were in charge of the money counting machine before have decided that everyone needs to start paying back these loans. Honestly it’s all a bit like trying to explain quantum physics to Teddy. Confusing!

No More Naps for Your Wallet!

Now before during the 'Covid' – which sounds a bit like a dodgy brand of cough syrup – things were a bit…relaxed. A nice little pause button was pressed. But now Mr. Trump says “No more!” It's like when Mrs. Wicket tries to stop me from having a second helping of trifle. According to this Linda McMahon lady (sounds important) everyone needs to pay up. But what if you’re like me and prefer to spend your money on beans and the occasional antique vase? This is a tricky situation indeed! "Borrowers should pay back the debts they take on," – Hmm that's the problem! Taking on the debts in the first place what a silly thing to do!

How Much Can They Pinch?

The Government people those chaps who seem to enjoy paperwork more than a good cup of tea can apparently grab up to 15% of your 'disposable pay.' That’s like taking 15% of my custard! Unacceptable! But there's this Mark Kantrowitz fellow says they have to leave you with at least £217.50 each week. That's enough to buy a few tins of beans and a new rubber chicken so it could be worse. Though I would prefer it if they weren't taking any of my bean money at all it's just not fair!

Tick Tock Goes the Wage Snatching Clock!

Apparently any day now the Government will be sending out scary letters to 5.3 million poor souls. It’s like getting a parking ticket…but for your entire future! And if you’re relying on your Social Security to pay for jelly babies and cat food? They can take up to 15% of that too! It's just like when I tried to pay with buttons at the grocery and they gave me the look! But you need at least $750 a month for jelly beans and cat food. So it's not all bad. I think...

Self Employed? You Lucky Duckies!

Now if you’re like me and your income comes from… creative endeavors (like charging people to watch me sleep) then it’s harder for the government to grab your money. Good! It seems if there's no 'employer' there is no wage garnishment! Take that you government people! It's like when I tried to pay with buttons at the grocery and they gave me the look!

Fighting Back: The Bean tastic Defense!

But fear not! You can challenge this wage garnishing business. You get 30 days to argue your case before some sort of judge person. It's like fighting over the last sausage roll at a party. And if you're facing hardship (like running out of beans) you might be able to wriggle out of it. If all else fails you can contact the government and try to get on a different payment plan. Just remember never give up hope. Unless you are on a ride with Irma Gobb. She'll probably fall asleep!