Market's Madcap Maneuvers: Bean's Guide to Not Losing Your Trousers!

The Market's Gone Bonkers!

Right so the market's been doing that thing where it goes up and down like Teddy on a rollercoaster! One minute it's all sunshine and lollipops because President Trump's talking about tariffs (whatever they are) and the next minute it's all gloom and rainclouds. It's like trying to make a sandwich really you think you have all the ingredients and then BAM! No bread!

Dimon's Dilemma: Complacency or Calamity?

That fella Jamie Dimon from JPMorgan Chase (sounds important doesn't he?) says everyone's too happy about the market bouncing back. He reckons inflation might go up which I think is when your bicycle tyres get too full. He says this happiness is an 'extraordinary amount of complacency.' Sounds like a fancy word for being a bit daft if you ask me not that anyone ever does!

UBS Says: Don't Panic! Maybe...

But hold on! The clever chaps at UBS Global Wealth Management say we should all stay calm and carry on investing. They reckon the S & P 500 (sounds like a robot from a cartoon) will go up a bit. 'Phasing into the stock market,' they say is the way to go. It's like easing yourself into a cold bath slowly slowly until you scream.

Wells Fargo's Wise Words: Quality Counts!

Then there's Wells Fargo (whoever they are) telling us to stick with 'quality' companies. They're like the posh teacups of the stock market apparently. Strong stable and less likely to crack when things get a bit wobbly. Sounds sensible although I still prefer my teacups with a bit of a chip. Adds character!

Risk: Are You Up to It?

Now this Nathan Hoyt fella says if you're losing sleep over the market you're doing it wrong. You need to figure out your 'risk profile.' Is that like a police mugshot? No! It's about how much you're willing to lose before you start hiding under the duvet with Teddy. Re evaluate he says which sounds like a lot of effort to me.

Gold Glorious Gold!

And finally David Miller says we should all get some gold. Apparently it's like a shiny yellow life raft in a sea of financial troubles. He says nobody knows how to 'print gold,' which is a relief. Can you imagine the mess? Think of it as the emergency chocolate bar when all else fails. Always a good idea if you ask me... *wink*.