Jamie Dimon Just Said What About Trump's Tariffs?! It's Like a Bad Stunt!

Wah! Tariffs? More Like Terrible iffs!

Okay okay! Jackie Chan here your friendly neighborhood action star! So I read this news about Mr. Jamie Dimon talking about these new tariffs from Mr. Trump. Tariffs! Sounds like 'terrible' if you ask me! He says they'll make prices go up like when I try to buy a simple bowl of noodles and suddenly it costs more than my whole stunt team's lunch! Remember 'Don't use a hatchet to remove a fly from your friend's forehead.' Don't go making rash decisions! This could be a big problem!

Slow Down Economy! No More Mr. Nice Guy!

Dimon says the U.S. economy was already slowing down. Slowing down! Like when I try to do a simple action scene and suddenly I'm 69 years old again! We need some speed some agility! This isn't 'Rush Hour 4'! We need to move people! But tariffs he says will slow things down even more. It's like trying to climb a mountain with one leg tied! Not good not good at all!

Inflation? Sticky Like Bubble Gum on My Shoe!

And inflation! Oh inflation you’re like bubble gum stuck on my shoe! Dimon thinks inflation will stick around longer than we want which means interest rates could stay high. It's like trying to shake off a bad guy who just won't quit! You think you've got him and then BAM! He’s back! We need to be smarter faster!

Uncertainty! The Real Enemy!

The worst part? All this 'uncertainty' he's talking about. Uncertainty is like trying to find your way through a dark room full of booby traps! You don't know what's going to hit you next! Dimon says this tariff thing creates 'many uncertainties,' and that's never a good sign. We need clarity like a perfectly executed stunt!

One Big Straw on the Camel's Back!

Dimon even said this is 'one large additional straw on the camel's back.' A camel! Now I've never fought a camel (though I HAVE fought pretty much everything else!) but I know that too much weight breaks even the strongest back! We need to lighten the load not add to it! Remember 'Sometimes it is better to be a peaceful man than to be a warrior.'

Soft Landing? I'm Not So Sure!

He also said he's 'not so sure' about this 'soft landing' everyone's expecting. Not so sure! That's like me saying I'm not so sure I can jump across a building! It means danger! We need to be careful pay attention and maybe… just maybe… prepare for a bumpy ride! We need to be like water adapting to every situation eh?