RAW! Trump, Musk, and a Martian Kitchen Nightmare: Is Humanity Ready to Colonize the Red Planet?

Is This Planet Earth...RAW?

Right let's get one thing straight. I'm Gordon Ramsay and normally I'm dealing with undercooked scallops and soggy risotto. But now? Now I'm hearing about Trump and that bloody Musk blighter wanting to ship us all off to Mars! Are you having a laugh? The planet is RAW! They reckon they can just rock up there and start planting potatoes like Matt Damon. It's more complicated than that.

2029? That's Optimistic You Donkey!

Musk bless his cotton socks thinks he can get us to Mars by 2029? That's ambitious even for a billionaire who likes playing with rockets. NASA the sensible ones are saying 2040 at the earliest. Someone needs to tell Musk that space travel isn't like ordering Uber Eats. You can't just tap a button and expect a Starship to arrive with your cosmic takeaway. It takes planning precision and a damn good chef... I mean engineer. And China wants a Mars research station by 2038? Bloody hell everyone wants a slice of the Martian pie!

Escaping Earth: More Like Trading One Hell for Another

Musk's excuse? Preserving humanity escaping natural disasters and warfare. Listen here going to Mars isn't like moving to a new neighborhood. It's trading one hell for another. A bloody cold radiation filled hell with no decent wine list! But the scientists they're all excited about finding life asking whether it originated on Mars and Earth like twins. It's intriguing but the bloody basics need to be conquered first!

Technical Difficulties? More Like a Bloody Minefield!

Amit Kshatriya from NASA isn't pulling any punches. Landing on Mars is complicated. The transit super complicated. Radiation life support reliability... it all needs to be spot on. And they need better propulsion? You think? It's like trying to cook a Beef Wellington with a camping stove! The pressure is higher than the atmosphere that's missing on Mars!

Starship: More Like Star CRAP!

Ah yes the Starship. The 'tallest and most powerful rocket ever built.' More like the tallest and most expensive firework display I've ever seen! SpaceX had a test flight the Super Heavy booster was retrieved but the Starship exploded leaving debris everywhere. Bloody fantastic! More delays than a Sunday roast at a bloody pub! They need to get their act together or Mars will remain a dream.

The Verdict? More Research Needed!

CNBC went to a Mars Desert Research Station in Utah to see what life could be like. Let me tell you it looked about as appealing as a hospital meal. Listen colonizing Mars might be the future but right now it's more like a bloody ambitious concept. We need more research more reliable technology and a damn good chef to make freeze dried space food taste edible. Otherwise humanity is better off sorting out the mess we've made on Earth. Now where's my bloody lamb sauce?