Putin and Trump Chicken Out of Peace Talks: Is This Negotiation Raw?!

Bloody Hell Where's the Chef?

Right so I'm hearing that these muppets Putin and Trump were supposed to be in Istanbul cooking up a bloody peace deal. But what do we have instead? A couple of bellends who can't even turn up to the kitchen! Zelenskyy's there probably thinking 'Am I the only one taking this seriously?' Honestly it's like watching a bunch of amateurs trying to make a soufflé. It's going to collapse before it even gets to the table.

Putin's Excuses: More Excuses Than Ingredients!

Putin's got 'work meetings'? Work meetings?! What is he suddenly running a bloody Michelin star restaurant? He's sending Medinsky and a bunch of other lads. Good for them. Frankly it is just another excuse. If you want a proper result you need the top guys to be involved. The whole thing is half arsed frankly!

Trump's Truth Social Rant: Needs More Seasoning!

And Trump? 'HAVE THE MEETING NOW!!!' he screams into the digital void. Sounds like a bloody toddler throwing a tantrum because he can't get his pudding. He's telling Zelenskyy to meet immediately but he's too busy doing whatever the hell he does to actually show up himself! It is all for show frankly.

Zelenskyy's Skepticism: The Only Sane Voice in the Kitchen!

Zelenskyy is right to be skeptical. He's waiting to see who's coming from Russia. He needs to assess the ingredients before he starts cooking. Good on him. At least someone is using their bloody head. At least he is treating this mess with some respect.

Is This Peace Process Doomed?

The whole thing smells like a disaster. You need the head chefs to make a bloody good meal. Instead we get a half baked effort. This negotiation is raw! It needs some bloody attention! It needs the main ingredients! The world is watching and these buffoons are serving up a load of bollocks.

What Next? A Soggy Bottom Peace?

So where does that leave us? With more questions than answers and a peace process that's drier than a week old croissant. It's time these leaders get their act together and actually try to sort this bloody mess out. Otherwise it's going straight in the bin. Now where's the lamb sauce?!