Bloody Hell! Are YOU Prepared for the REAL ID Apocalypse?! Don't Be an Idiot Sandwich!

Wake Up You Donkeys!

Right listen up you bunch of culinary catastrophes! It's Gordon Ramsay here and I'm about to serve you a dish of harsh reality. May 7th mark it on your calendars because that's the day the bloody REAL ID Act comes crashing down on your heads like a soufflé that's been sat on. You think you can just waltz onto a plane without the right ID? You're in for a rude awakening! No Real ID no flying! And don’t even THINK about sneaking into a nuclear power plant looking for cheap ingredients you muppets!

Is Your ID a Panini Head?

Check your licenses you simpletons! Look for the bloody star in the corner. No star? Then you're about as useful as a chocolate teapot! The Real ID Act was brought in after 9/11 to tighten up security. It's been delayed more times than a late diner at one of my restaurants. But this is it the final curtain the last chance saloon. Don't tell me you haven't been paying attention! Are you blind? Or just incredibly stupid?

Nick Ewen? More Like Nick YOU WIN NOTHING!

According to some bloke called Nick Ewen from 'The Points Guy' (who probably couldn't boil an egg to save his life) it's 'crunch time.' Crunch time?! It's beyond crunch time mate! It's a bloody demolition derby! If you're planning to fly anytime soon get your Real ID sorted or pack your passport. Otherwise you'll be stuck on the ground gnawing on your fingernails with regret. And I'll be laughing all the way to first class!

DMV? More Like D M HELL!

Don't think it'll be a walk in the park either! The DMVs are already bursting at the seams with desperate souls trying to get their act together. You'll be queuing for longer than it takes to cook a bloody Beef Wellington! And according to Doubting Thomas Nick Ewen there are limited to ZERO appointments. It's utter madness I tell you! Pure unadulterated IDIOCY! Get in line NOW!

Don't Be a Bloody Idiot Prepare!

When you FINALLY manage to snag an appointment (good luck with that by the way) don't show up looking like you've just crawled out of a dumpster. Do your homework! Check the bloody website and gather all the documents you need. Every state's different so don't blame me if you turn up unprepared and get sent packing! Seriously do I have to hold your hand through everything? It's like herding cats I swear!

Penny Pinching Pricks?

And don't come crying to me about the cost either! Most states will charge you nothing more than your usual license fee but some greedy bastards like Pennsylvania might try to squeeze an extra $30 out of you. Check your state's DMV site for the gory details. And if you're still moaning about the price maybe you should get a better job you lazy sods! By the way why don't you try CNBC's course? Maybe they'll give you a job! Now if you'll excuse me I'm off to enjoy a perfectly cooked meal while you lot are still scrambling for your passports. Get your act together you donkeys!