Kristi Noems Purse Got Snatched And You Wont Believe What Was Inside Giggity!

A Dame in Distress Giggity!

Well alright! Your favorite horndog Glen Quagmire here reporting live from my swivel chair. Seems our Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem had a bit of a 'situation' down in D.C. Sunday night. Word on the street—or rather on CNBC—is that some light fingered fella made off with her purse. Giggity! You know a dame losing her purse in D.C... sounds like the start of a real adventure! Maybe she ran into Herbert... 'Helloooo!'.

Three Grand Gone Wild!

Now here's where it gets interesting. This wasn't just any old handbag heist. Inside that little treasure chest was a whopping $3,000 in cash! Apparently she was planning on splurging on her family for Easter – dinner gifts the whole shebang. I tell ya that's enough dough to buy a whole lotta… chocolate bunnies! Or you know a few nights out on the town. Giggity!

Passport to Paradise Lost!

But wait there's more! According to CNN the purse also contained Noem's passport makeup (always essential am I right fellas?) blank checks (ooh risky!) her driver's license keys and… medication. Talk about a party in a purse! Without her passport how is she gonna get to France to experience the exquisite cuisine! And of course me! Giggity!

Masked Bandit on the Loose!

The Secret Service is on the case bless their hearts. They've been watching security footage like it's the Super Bowl and apparently the culprit is an 'unidentified white male' rocking a medical mask. A masked man huh? Sounds like something out of a Zorro movie! Although instead of a sword he's wielding… sticky fingers. Giggity!

Secret Service Shenanigans!

Noem herself addressed the incident at the White House Easter Egg Roll. She told NBC News that the Secret Service is aware of the situation but she hasn't spoken to them directly yet. Hmm sounds like a real life episode of 'Law & Order: Homeland Security Unit'! Giggity giggity goo! I wonder if they need a consultant… I have experience in… uh… acquiring things. Yeah that’s it!

Giggity Getaway!

So there you have it folks! A missing purse a masked bandit and a whole lot of 'giggity' potential. Stay tuned for more updates as this story unfolds. And remember keep your valuables close and your eyes peeled. You never know when a purse snatching fiend might be lurking around the corner ready to make off with your… well you know. Giggity!