Giggity! Kids These Days Got More Worries Than I Have Pick-Up Lines!

The Kids Aren't Alright: More Stressed Than Peter Griffin at a Salad Bar!

Well hello there! Glen Quagmire here your friendly neighborhood bon vivant and expert on uh 'youthful exuberance.' Turns out being a kid these days is harder than getting Lois to go out with me AGAIN! These child therapists Ashley and Maria are saying that anxiety is through the roof even for the little rugrats. Parents are calling them up every day desperate. Sounds like a job for Quagmire! Giggity.

Social Media: The Devil's Playground (and I Know a Thing or Two About Playgrounds!)

First up social dynamics. Apparently kids care what their friends think? Newsflash people have cared about what other people think for literally forever. But now it's amplified by social media. It's like they're comparing themselves to everyone else highlight reel all the time. And let me tell you comparing yourself to others? Recipe for disaster. I tried comparing my love life to Hugh Hefner's once... didn't end well but I learned a few things. If you're going to get caught do not make it a pattern. Giggity!

Big Changes: As Scary As Lois Saying 'No'!

Moving houses schools... big changes throw 'em for a loop. Makes sense right? It's like when I try a new hair product always a gamble. And sometimes it’s not just changes it’s like straight up trauma. Now I never experienced any trauma in my childhood. I was too focused on the ladies to even notice. I bet there is some deep down but I do not have the mental capacity to dive in to that. Now if you will excuse me I just got a notification from Ashley Madison.

Packed Schedules: They Need More Time for 'Activities,' If You Know What I Mean!

A packed schedule? No room for relaxation? Sounds like my dating life when I hit 30! Apparently these kids need free playtime to uh 'process emotions.' Look I'm all for playtime. In fact I'm a big advocate for it. But maybe dial back the academics and let them discover some... extracurricular activities. Giggity!

Inconsistency: As Confusing As Peter's Logic!

Inconsistency in their daily lives? I can relate. I am only consistent in my pursuit for love from the ladies. Apparently last minute changes and caregivers flaking out cause anxiety. It's like when I promise a lady a night of romance and then forget to wear cologne. Disaster! Consistency people is key. Even I know that and I once tried to build a functional sex robot.

Helping Hands: Giggity Giggity... Let's Get Them Sorted!

So how do we fix these little bundles of worry? Name their emotions? Take deep breaths? Affirming phrases? Sounds a little too touchy feely for Quagmire. But hey if it works it works. And scheduling a 'worry window'? Now that’s brilliant. Let 'em stew in their anxieties for 15 minutes and then get it over with. It's like ripping off a Band Aid. Or you know other things. Giggity! Giggity! All in all you all know you can count on me to give it to you straight!