Giggity! Israel Drops the Bomb on Iran's Nuclear Hopes (and Maybe a Few Virgins?)

Giggity Gone Nuclear!

Alright alright alright! Your pal Glen Quagmire here reporting live from my uh 'situation room' (giggity!) on the latest hot mess. Seems Israel got a little frisky and decided to give Iran's nuclear facilities a stern talking to... with missiles! Apparently they weren't too happy with Iran's 'peaceful' uranium enrichment program. I tell ya sometimes a little uranium can be a real mood killer know what I mean?

Top Iranian Brass Gets Extra Crispy

Word on the street (or you know from Iranian media) is that a few top Iranian guys including Commander Hossein Salami and a couple of brainy nuclear scientists named Fereydoun Abbasi Davani and Mohammad Mehdi Tehranchi are now enjoying an extended vacation... in the afterlife. Sources say they were 'targeted.' Giggity! Sounds like someone got a little too close to the nuclear fire if you catch my drift! (Waggles eyebrows suggestively.)

Khamenei's Vow: 'Giggity Giggity... Retaliation!'

Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei is reportedly hopping mad – more mad than Peter Griffin after losing his car keys – and has promised some serious payback. "With this crime the Zionist regime has brought a bitter and painful fate upon itself," he growled. Sounds like someone needs a time out! Me? I'd suggest a relaxing cruise maybe with a few lovely ladies… Giggity! Giggity! All right!

Israel on Lockdown: 'It's Quagmire Time!'... Er I Mean Shelter Time!

Israel's Defense Minister Israel Katz has declared a state of emergency. They're bracing for a missile and drone attack. Folks are told to stay in bomb shelters and all flights in and out of Tel Aviv are grounded. It’s like being stuck at home on a Saturday night only way less fun. What to do what to do? Maybe a little 'self improvement'? Giggity!

Oil Prices Soar Stocks Tank: 'Giggity My Portfolio is Screwed!'

Naturally with all this international hanky panky the markets are freaking out. Oil prices are through the roof and stock futures are diving faster than Bonnie Swanson at a buffet. My own portfolio? Let's just say it's seen better days. Time to invest in… uh… something that makes a lot of noise and goes boom! Giggity!

Trump Says 'Giggity' to Negotiations But Ready for Action?

Uncle Sam bless his heart says he wasn't involved but knew about the whole thing. Trump wants an agreement with Iran but doesn't want Israel going rogue and messing things up. 'Other than that I want them to be successful,' he said. Giggity! Sounds like someone is trying to have their cake and eat it too! Just like me when it comes to… well you know. Giggity!