Giggity! Banking Bonanza and Golden Opportunities! What's Making Headlines Before the Bell?

JPMorgan's Jumbo Jackpot!

Well alright! Seems like Jamie Dimon over at JPMorgan Chase is doing the deed if you know what I mean! Their revenue for the first quarter was a real panty dropper topping Wall Street's estimates. $46.01 billion! That's enough to buy a whole lotta 'shrimp scampi,' if you catch my drift. Though Dimon is warning about 'considerable turbulence.' Turbulence eh? Sounds like my dating life! Giggity!

Morgan Stanley's Magnificent Money Maker!

Giggity giggity goo! Morgan Stanley joined the party with some seriously hot earnings results. $2.60 per share! They’re making more money than Peter Griffin at a clam eating contest. Allllright!

BlackRock's Big Bucks Bonanza... Almost!

BlackRock is strutting their stuff with earnings of $11.30 per share! That's enough to make even Quagmire Jr. stand up and take notice! Though their revenue was a bit shy like a bridesmaid on her wedding night. But hey still a good show! Giggity!

Wells Fargo's Wallet Workout!

Wells Fargo flexed its financial muscles showing a 16% increase in earnings. Not bad! But their revenue missed the mark kinda like when I try to pick up women at the Drunken Clam. You win some you lose some eh?

Bank of New York Mellon: More Money More Mellon!

Bank of New York Mellon is making it rain! Their earnings beat expectations. It's enough to make me say "Who else but Quagmire?!"... and then maybe hit on the teller. Giggity!

Gold Rush and Nvidia's Nice Recovery!

And hold on to your hats ladies and gentlemen! Newmont Corporation is striking gold. Makes me wanna shout "Giggity! Giggity! Giggity!" Nvidia is bouncing back too after a small stumble. They are back on track to finish the week strong. Time to celebrate with a stiff drink. Giggity!