Fourth of July Inflation: Is Your BBQ About to Cost More Than a Spaceship?

Tariffs? More Like Tariff ying!

Well well well looks like someone's been messing with the barbeque again. This congressional report claims that the cost of your Fourth of July cookout is going up thanks to tariffs. Up a whopping 12.7% since April they say! That’s like almost enough to buy a tiny fraction of a Cybertruck. Almost. I mean what’s next? Are they gonna start taxing the oxygen we breathe? Oh wait maybe that's not a bad idea. Could fund a Mars colony.

Beer Today Gone Tomorrow (At a Higher Price!)

Apparently the price of beer is soaring. Miller Lite Coors Light Peroni – they’re all getting more expensive. Even Modelo! It's like they're trying to make us switch to…water? Seriously? Guys we need beer to wash down all that delicious slightly more expensive than last year's BBQ. This is unacceptable. Maybe we should start brewing beer on Mars. Problem solved! Plus think of the marketing potential: 'Martian Brew – Out of This World Taste!'

Aluminum Apocalypse

So Trump slapped tariffs on beer imports and get this *empty* aluminum cans. Empty! That's like taxing the void! No wonder Constellation Brands is whining about margins. It's like they’re trying to discourage innovation. We need to find a way to 3D print aluminum cans on site. Think of the cost savings! And the bragging rights. 'Yeah these cans? Freshly printed. From a satellite factory orbiting Earth.' That’s how you flex people.

Camping Chairs and Grill Gadgets: To the Moon!

A camping chair from Coleman is up almost 50%. A 25 piece griddle set is up nearly 18%. What is this madness? Are people suddenly obsessed with grilling? Maybe they're planning a massive tailgate party on the launchpad before the Mars mission. Actually that's a fantastic idea! Free BBQ for all future Mars colonists. It's the least we can do.

Sunscreen Foil and Grills Oh My!

Even the essentials are going up! Sunscreen aluminum foil (probably because of the aluminum tariff mentioned above!) and even grills are costing more. At this rate we'll need to start mining helium 3 on the moon just to afford a decent cookout. You know what let's do it. Operation: Lunar BBQ is a go! “I'm going to create a 'Grill Company'. It's going to be amazing.”

Rabobank Knows Best? (Probably Not)

Rabobank some food and agribusiness bank thinks a 10 person BBQ is going to cost $100 for the first time ever. Blaming beef prices naturally. Beef prices are high because cows can't yet fly to Mars. Once we get the bovine colonization program up and running beef prices will plummet. Problem solved. Boom. “The path to the CEO’s office should not be through the CFO’s office and it should not be through the marketing department. It needs to be through engineering and design.”