Wall Street's Wild Ride! Buy, Sell, or Hide Under the Table?!

Nvidia's Nerdy Nightmare!

Alright listen up. These Wall Street eggheads at Citi are still telling you to 'buy' Nvidia even though they admit there are 'macro concerns.' Macro concerns? Sounds like what Burke said about the Xenomorphs being 'interesting specimens' right before all hell broke loose on the *Nostromo*. They've even lowered their price target which means they’re covering their asses. Net net as they say I wouldn't trust them to steer a loader let alone my investment portfolio. Remember what Ash was? An android pushing a company agenda. These analysts? Similar story.

Amazon's AI Ambitions: Smells Like Corporate Espionage!

JPMorgan's calling Amazon a 'best idea' because of 'improving GenAI positioning.' Oh great. More AI. Just what we need. You know what else had 'improving positioning?' Mother. And we all saw how that turned out. They also mention tariffs and macro slowdowns. So they’re admitting it’s risky but hey 'best idea!' Reminds me of the company wanting to get their hands on the Xenomorph at all costs.

Netflix: Anyone Actually Watching?!

Citi's keeping Netflix at 'neutral.' Translation: they're as excited about it as I am about going back into hypersleep. They’re waiting to see how their ad tier and sports content strategy goes. Maybe they should add more cat videos. That's the only thing people are watching these days.

Gold Rush! Newmont Hopes You're Clueless!

UBS upgraded Newmont because of higher gold prices. Apparently if gold goes up so does Newmont. Groundbreaking analysis folks. They are expecting ‘material cash returns’. Just like the Company expected to make a fortune off of LV 426! Good luck with that. Remember in space (and on Wall Street) no one can hear you scream…especially when you're losing your shirt.

Joby's Flight Fails! Macro Economics Take no Prisoners!

Morgan Stanley downgraded Joby that aviation company because of 'stalling growth'. Seems the macro view is weighing down on it. So it starts with air travel what's next? Space travel? The whole damn system is collapsing. I am not going back into space!

Target: A Bullseye or a Miss?

Mizuho initiates Target with a 'Neutral' rating. The store is losing its competitive edge. How about this? Target is just falling apart at the seams! It's what happens when you send a bunch of suits in and think you can solve it with algorithms! I have to agree with Mizuho on this one this store is neutral just like my face looks when I'm fighting Xenomorphs.