Relationship Bank Account: Can Deposits Save You From a Xenomorph-Sized Fight?

Another Day Another Nightmare... I Mean Relationship

Alright people Ripley here. After dealing with facehuggers and chestbursters I thought I'd seen it all. But then I read this article about couples and their 'relationship bank accounts.' Seems even without acid for blood things can still get pretty messy. This 'therapist,' Phil Stark – no relation to Tony I presume – thinks couples should treat their relationships like they're managing Weyland Yutani's finances. Make 'deposits' of affection avoid 'withdrawals' of arguments. Sounds simple enough right? Like setting up a beacon. What could possibly go wrong?

The Balance Sheet of Doom

So the idea is you build up a 'positive balance' by doing nice things for your partner. Checking in random acts of kindness active planning you know the stuff that apparently keeps the love light on. A 'negative balance,' on the other hand? That's when the Xenomorphs come out to play – or in this case a screaming match over who left the toilet seat up. I'm starting to think these therapists have never encountered a real crisis. Try dealing with an alien infestation and then tell me about relationship finances. "I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

Deposits: More Than Just 'I Love You Man'

Stark lists a few ways to make these deposits. First 'checking in.' Apparently just existing in the same room isn't enough anymore. You gotta like acknowledge your partner's existence. Ask how their day was. Try not to look completely bored while they tell you about spreadsheet errors. Second 'random acts.' Hugs little gifts compliments. Sounds suspiciously like bribery but hey if it keeps the peace. Third 'active planning.' This one sounds like a trap. One wrong reservation and you're sleeping on the couch. Remember Burke you don't wanna end up like Burke. It didn't end well for him!

Intimacy: More Than Just Avoiding Acidic Spit

Then there's 'intimacy,' which apparently isn't just about… well you know. It's about emotional connection. All these deposits lead to feeling seen and supported which leads to the other thing. Look I'm just a warrant officer not Dr. Ruth. But I'm guessing a facehugger popping out during the deed would probably count as a pretty big 'withdrawal.' I suggest avoiding that scenario at all costs.

Emergency Fund: For When the Xenomorphs Are at the Door

Stark warns that these deposits are often missing in unhappy relationships. Couples get lazy take each other for granted and before you know it BAM! You're facing a relationship overdraft. The key he says is to break through the resistance and remember the little things. Like remembering to reload your pulse rifle. "They mostly come at night...mostly."

Final Thoughts: Stay Frosty But Stay Loving (I Guess)

So there you have it. The 'relationship bank account.' Sounds like a lot of work but hey maybe it's better than facing down a Xenomorph alone. Just remember to make more deposits than withdrawals and for God's sake if you see anything that looks like an alien egg call me. I'm still available for consultation. "You know Burke I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them fucking each other over for a goddamn percentage."