Another Day, Another Nightmare: Trump's AI Pope Fantasy—Can't We Just Nuke the Site From Orbit?

Back in My Day We Fought Aliens Not AI Generated Popes

Alright listen up. Ripley here. Seems like while I was busy fighting acid spewing extraterrestrials humanity decided to evolve...backwards. I wake up from hypersleep and what do I see? Trump the guy who probably thinks the Nostromo was a fancy cruise ship is now an AI generated Pope? Are you kidding me? I've seen less disturbing stuff come out of a Xenomorph's chest. This is exactly why I should've stayed frozen. "Game over man! Game over!" seriously.

Truth Social: Where Reality Goes to Die Apparently

So apparently this digital masterpiece first graced us on Truth Social. Truth Social? Sounds like a support group for people who believe in conspiracy theories and bad toupees. Anyway the image dropped just as the cardinals are gearing up to pick a new Pope. You know because subtle political messaging is sooooo last century. I swear if I had a flamethrower handy I'd be tempted to torch my screen. It's the only way to be sure. About this whole situation.

He Went to a Funeral and All I Got Was This Lousy AI Image

Trump actually attended Pope Francis' funeral hobnobbing with Zelenskyy and probably trying to sell him a timeshare. Then he jokes about wanting to be Pope himself. I'm starting to think there's something seriously wrong with the air on this planet. And of course the White House staff instead of say solving actual problems decides an AI generated image is the best way to spend their time. Just… wow. I need a drink. A big one.

King Pope What's Next? Supreme Galactic Overlord?

This isn’t even the first time they’ve pulled this AI stunt. Back in February it was Trump as a king because he eliminated congestion pricing in New York. “Long live the king,” he wrote. Seriously does anyone remember checks and balances anymore? Last time I checked kings and popes aren't exactly democratically elected. I fought for humanity to get a bit of peace not to get ruled by an AI generated monarchy. Where's the damn escape pod when you need it?

The Internet Explodes (Again)!

Predictably the internet lost its collective mind. Some folks thought it was hilarious. Others like former Republican National Committee chairman Michael Steele rightfully called it out as “unserious and incapable.” I'm with Steele on this one. It just confirms what I already suspected: Earth is doomed. We are on a one way trip to a dead end! Might as well let the Xenomorphs take over at this point. At least they’re honest about wanting to kill us. That is more than I can say about some politicians.

Final Thoughts: I Need a Long Vacation… In Space

Look I'm not a political analyst. I'm a warrant officer who's had a few too many close encounters with facehuggers and chestbursters. But even I can see this whole situation is a complete and utter dumpster fire. Maybe it’s time to pack up and find a new planet. One without AI generated rulers and social media meltdowns. Anyone know of a nice quiet planet where the only threat is the occasional giant bug? Because right now that sounds like paradise.