Eat My Shorts, Vaccines? HHS Secretary Pulls a 'D'oh!' on Kid Shots

Kennedy's Krusty Move: No More Free Shots?

Ay caramba! Turns out this Kennedy dude the one who’s apparently running the show at Health and Human Services decided kids and preggo ladies don't need the Covid vaccine anymore. He yanked it off the CDC’s 'must have' list like Milhouse trying to grab the last donut. Said something about 'no data,' but honestly sounds like a load of hooey to me. This is gonna be worse than when I accidentally glued Skinner to his chair!

D'oh! Experts Say It's a Bad Idea Man!

All the brainy folks are freaking out! They're saying pregnant ladies are gonna be in a world of hurt if they catch the 'rona without their shield of vacciney goodness. Preterm labor? Blood clots? Sounds like a horror movie not a medical condition! And those little rugrats need protection too. Guess who's gonna be stuck listening to Lisa whine if everyone gets sick? This guy!

Vaccine VIPs: Who Needs 'Em?

Turns out when the CDC says 'jump,' insurance companies ask 'how high?' If the CDC ain't recommending the shot those cheapskate insurers might not cover it. And that means no free vaccines for kiddos without insurance! Talk about a Simpson family crisis. Maybe I can sell some of my old slingshots to raise money... Nah!

Kafkaesque Bureaucracy! Mmm Bureaucracy.

Apparently this whole thing went down without anyone asking the actual smart people what they thought. No debates no votes just Kennedy pulling a fast one. Kinda like when I replaced the church organ pipes with kazoos. Principal Skinner was NOT amused. But hey at least I followed proper procedure for that!

Hinge Health is Cashing In!

Speaking of getting cash some company called Hinge Health just made a boatload of dough on the stock market. They help people with sore muscles and stuff. Figures. While everyone's arguing about vaccines someone's getting rich off back pain. Life is so unfair! Especially when I'm stuck doing chores.

Eat My Shorts Market!

Anyway that's the news man. This vaccine thing is a real buzzkill. One thing's for sure: it's probably Milhouse's fault somehow. Just remember stay outta trouble and don't do anything I wouldn't do... Wait a minute!