Eat My Shorts, Trade Deals! Trump Says 'No Deal,' D'oh!

Trump's Trade Tantrum: Ay Caramba!

Alright alright what's the deal with this 'no deal' deal? Turns out President Trump the guy who probably thinks 'The Art of the Deal' is a finger painting by Milhouse says America doesn't need to sign trade deals. He was all like 'Eat my shorts world! You need us we don't need you!' during a meeting with some Canadian dude named Mark Carney. Sounds like someone needs a Butterfinger...or maybe a nap.

Blame It on My Aides Man!

So like Trump's been bragging about all these awesome deals he's gonna make but then he's all 'My people made me do it!' He's throwing Scott Bessent and Howard Lutnick under the bus faster than Milhouse runs from a dodgeball. Classic! Reminds me of when I blamed Itchy & Scratchy for toilet papering Principal Skinner's car. 'I didn't do it!'

Luxury Store America? More Like 'D'oh!'conomics

Trump wants to turn America into a 'super luxury store.' I guess that means everything's gonna cost a fortune and rich guys like Mr. Burns will be even richer. Meanwhile us regular folks will be stuck eating stale donuts and watching Krusty reruns. Sounds fair... NOT! Cowabunga dude I need a sugar rush to deal with this.

Markets Go South: Haw Haw!

When Trump started yapping about no deals the stock market went down faster than Bart Simpson's grades. Investors are freaking out business leaders are sweating and everyone's wondering if this whole thing is just one big practical joke. Maybe Trump should just say 'I didn't do it,' and hope it all blows over.

Deals 'Close'? More Like 'Don't Have a Cow Man!'

Apparently Trump's aides keep saying deals are 'close.' But it's like trying to catch Sideshow Bob – always just out of reach. South Korea and Japan are waiting like Lisa for a jazz solo and Trump is just playing air guitar and eating a hot dog. How are these potential deals looking? Not so good.

So What's the Deal with No Deals Man?

So to recap: Trump says no deals blames his buddies wants to make America a fancy store and the economy's doing the cha cha slide. I'm starting to think maybe this whole thing is just a big distraction so nobody notices he's got a Krusty Burger stuck to his hair. Ay caramba! What a time to be alive... or at least alive ish.