Eat My Shorts, Stock Market! April's Wild Ride is Totally Bonkers!

President Man's Tariff Tantrum!

Ay caramba! President Trump the dude with the crazy hair totally messed with the stock market this month! He dropped some tariff bombs and the S&P 500 took a major nosedive! We're talking a 11.2% drop! It was like Milhouse just told everyone my deepest secret – embarrassing!

From Zero to Hero (Kinda)

But hold your horses man! Just when everyone thought the sky was falling (again!) the market pulled a 'Bart Simpson' and bounced back! It's up over 10% from its low point. Talk about a comeback! Lisa would be proud...maybe. But seriously can this rally last? I'm not holding my breath especially if Trump's gonna keep acting like a crazed Sideshow Bob!

History is a Real Drag

So here's the deal: Apparently in the history of ever (or at least since 1952) the S&P 500 has *never* fully recovered from a drop this big to finish the month higher. Never! That's like saying I'll never prank Skinner again! (Yeah right!)

Been There Done That Got the T Shirt (and Lost Money)

Apparently there have been 14 other times when the market tanked and then kinda bounced back. But get this: More craziness usually followed. This whole thing is messier than my room after a Super Bowl party. So even though things are looking up don't go betting your allowance money just yet!

Tariff Troubles Never End

This whole stock market rollercoaster started with Trump's tariff thingy. He even paused it but some Wells Fargo dude this Michael Taylor guy says the uncertainty will keep things crazy. It's like Krusty's jokes – you never know if they're gonna be funny or fall flat on their face!

D'oh! Almost a Bear Market!

For a hot minute the S&P 500 was in a bear market – down over 20%! That's worse than getting detention for a week straight! Luckily it clawed its way back but it's still 10% below its high point. I gotta say this whole thing is making me crave a donut... or twelve!