Eat My Shorts, Recession! Meta's Makin' Bank!

Meta's Bank Vault Overfloweth

Ay caramba! Meta that company that kinda owns everyone's brain with Facebook and Instagram just raked in a boatload of dough! Like more than Mr. Burns has hidden in his secret lair. Their stock went up faster than Otto's school bus after a donut truck spill. Apparently all those ads people click on while pretending to work are payin' off big time!

Ads? They're Everywhere Man!

So some big shot analyst guys like Citi's Ronald Josey are sayin' that even with all the global economic weirdness Meta's still crushin' it in the ad game. Even with talk of tariffs! Apparently Zuck's got so many users and advertisers that he can just shrug off stuff like that. Eat my shorts recession!

Show Me the Money!

The numbers are huge! First quarter revenues hit $42.31 billion which is like enough to buy a lifetime supply of Krusty Burgers for the entire town of Springfield! Earnings were $6.43 per share way more than anyone expected. Even Lisa would be impressed... maybe.

Zuckerberg's Got a Plan (Maybe)

Zuck himself said they're doin' "very well" and are ready for whatever the economy throws at them. I bet that involves lots of robots and people staring at screens. He probably learned it from Comic Book Guy. Worst. Economy. Ever!

Trump's Tariff Trouble?

There's some worry that Trump's tariff talk might mess with things especially since a lot of tech companies make money from ads. Some other companies like Snap and Google are already whinin' about it. But Meta's Susan Li says that some of the ad money coming from Asia has slowed down since they closed some loophole. Oh well! Can't win them all!

AI to the Rescue! (Again?)

But here's the kicker: Meta's dumpin' even MORE money into AI and building data centers. They're spending between $64 billion and $72 billion! Someone at Bernstein is calling Meta the "safest and most exciting dodgeball team around." That sounds pretty cool I guess. Maybe I should invest but only if I can get Milhouse to manage my money. He's good with numbers right?