Eat My Shorts, Recession! Intuit's Makin' Bank!

Ka Ching! Intuit's Swimming in Green!

Ay caramba! Turns out those nerds at Intuit the ones who make TurboTax and QuickBooks are actually kinda cool... or at least their bank accounts are! Their stock shot up like Milhouse's eyebrows when Lisa gives him the time of day. They beat all the egghead analysts' predictions and they're saying this year's gonna be even better. Eat my shorts economy! Looks like someone's having a banner year!

15% More Moolah? That's Some Serious Dough!

So get this their revenue went up 15%. That's more than I get for mowing Flanders' lawn (which BTW is a total rip off since he makes me weed too!). And their net income jumped 18%! I bet even Mr. Burns would crack a smile at those numbers. They're making so much money they could probably buy Springfield... and maybe even give it a much needed makeover. No more monorail please.

CEO Says What?!

According to their big cheese CEO Sasan Goodarzi (try saying that five times fast!) this is the fastest growth they've had in like a decade. He went on TV and everything! He said they're growing across the platform whatever that means. All I know is more money more problems... but hey at least they're rich problems! He's probably thinking 'Cowabunga!' right now.

AI to the Rescue! Or Maybe It's Just Really Smart Calculators...

Apparently AI is the new Krusty Burger. Everyone wants a piece! Goodarzi says they're using AI to become a "one stop shop" for helping people and businesses. Sounds kinda boring but if it makes them more money who am I to complain? Maybe they'll invent an AI that does my homework... now that's an investment I can get behind!

Goldman Sachs Thinks They're the Bomb!

Those snooty guys at Goldman Sachs are all like "Oh Intuit is amazing! We're raising our price target!" They think Intuit's AI plans are gonna make them even richer. I bet they're rubbing their hands together like Mr. Burns muttering about "excellent" profits. Can't argue with the guy he is loaded!

Deutsche Bank Jumps on the Bandwagon Man!

Even those Deutsche Bank dudes are impressed. They said Intuit's results were "reassuring" after a couple of rough years. They're feeling more confident about Intuit's growth. Seems like everyone's suddenly a believer. Maybe I should buy some stock... nah I'd probably just lose it all on a bet with Milhouse. Doh!