Eat My Shorts, Ivy League! Congress Busts Out the Subpoenas!

Another Fine Mess They've Gotten Themselves Into!

Alright people Bart Simpson here bringing you the lowdown on some seriously square action in the hallowed halls of the Ivy League! Turns out those brainy types at Brown Penn and even Harvard are in a bit of a pickle. Congress led by some dudes named Jim Jordan and Scott Fitzgerald – probably not as cool as Krusty I'm guessing – are slapping them with subpoenas. Subpoenas! That's like detention for grown ups!

Document Dumpster Dive!

These Congress cats are demanding ALL the documents. We're talking emails memos doodles on napkins... everything from the last six years! They think these schools were colluding to jack up tuition prices. Can you believe it? It's like when Mr. Burns tries to steal candy from babies except these babies are like super rich and heading to fancy colleges. Don't have a cow man!

Price Fixing? That's So Unfair!

Apparently the House Judiciary Committee thinks these Ivy League schools might be pulling a fast one with tuition rates almost like they're fixing prices behind closed doors. It's like when Sideshow Bob rigs the election except instead of becoming mayor these schools are just trying to squeeze more dough out of families. What a bunch of Krusty Burger loving clowns!

Financial Aid Shenanigans!

But wait there's more! Congress is also sniffing around the financial aid packages. They suspect the schools might be using their knowledge of everyone's bank accounts to squeeze out every last penny. It's like when Homer tries to get free donuts by pretending to be injured – only way more complicated and with way more paperwork. Cowabunga dude!

Brown and Penn: 'We're Cooperating!'

Brown and Penn are all like 'We're totally cooperating!'. Yeah right. That's what Milhouse says when he's trying to get out of trouble too. They claim they've already handed over thousands of pages of documents. But Congress is still not buying it. Looks like someone's gonna have to spend some serious time in the principal's office... I mean answering questions from Congress!

Legislative Reforms Incoming!?

So what's the point of all this? Well Congress is talking about maybe changing the laws to make sure this kind of stuff doesn't happen again. They're wondering if the current penalties are enough to stop these highfalutin universities from pulling these kinds of stunts. Eat my shorts Ivy League looks like you messed with the wrong Bartman!