Eat My Shorts, Iran! Trump's Oil Ban is Like Detention... Forever!

Ay Caramba! No Iranian Oil for You!

Alright dudes listen up! President Trump or as I like to call him 'Sideshow Trump,' just laid down the law. He's saying anyone and I mean *anyone* caught buying oil or those weird petrochemical things from Iran is gonna get the big time freeze out from doing business with the U.S.A. Talk about a major buzzkill for international relations man!

Ka Ching! Oil Prices Go Up!

So what's the result of all this hullabaloo? Oil prices are going higher than Milhouse's chances of getting a date with Lisa. U.S. crude is up and that global benchmark thingy – Brent whatever that is – is also up. Suddenly driving my skateboard to school is starting to look like a real energy saving option.

Don't Have a Cow Man! Trump's 'Maximum Pressure'

Apparently this is all part of Trump's 'maximum pressure' campaign. He wants to completely shut down Iran's oil exports. He's been saying Iran is funding all sorts of mayhem in the Middle East and he wants to put a stop to it. Sounds like a real life episode of 'Itchy & Scratchy,' but with global consequences!

Negotiations? More Like a Stand Off!

But hold on this is where it gets twisted! While Trump's giving Iran the stink eye he's also trying to negotiate with them about their nuclear program. He doesn't want them building a nuke which I gotta admit is probably a good call. Unless they plan on using it to blow up Springfield Elementary... Nah even I wouldn't go that far... maybe.

China: The Elephant in the Room

Everyone's looking at China which is still buying a ton of oil from Iran. Some expert dude named Scott Modell (sounds like a character from a boring history book) says Trump's comments are aimed at China. If Trump really wants to stop the oil flow he might have to go after China's state owned companies. Talk about a global food fight!

¡Ay Dios mio! Another Oil War?

So what does it all mean? Well according to Modell Trump's just trying to look tough while he negotiates. Like when I pretend to be tougher than Nelson Muntz... before he gives me a wedgie. Trump also slapped these 'secondary tariffs' on anyone buying oil from Venezuela too. Looks like he's playing hardball with the whole oil producing world. I hope this doesn't end up like that time I accidentally started a riot at the Kwik E Mart. Doh!