Eat My Shorts, Economy! Dollar General's Stock is Suddenly Not Lousy!

Ay Caramba! Dollar General's Stock is Actually Doing Good?

Alright dudes and dudettes! Bart Simpson here reporting live from… well my treehouse. Turns out while I was busy perfecting my slingshot skills something actually interesting happened in the world of money grubbing. Dollar General yes the place where Mom buys knock off Krusty O's is apparently killin' it! Since President Trump's second inauguration (whoa déjà vu!) their stock has gone up more than 36%! That's like finding a twenty in your old pants twice! Who knew that the place that sells everything from plastic spiders to questionable hot dogs would be a financial goldmine? Definitely not me. I thought they'd be doomed after I switched all their price tags around one time. Nobody suspects a thing...

Tariffs? What Tariffs? Dollar General Laughs in the Face of Economic Doom!

So apparently while everyone else is freakin' out about Trump's 'reciprocal tariffs' (whatever those are – sounds like a disease!) Dollar General is just chillin'. See unlike Krusty the Clown trying to sell veggie burgers Dollar General knows its audience. They mostly sell food and stuff you NEED not all that fancy schmancy garbage that gets taxed to oblivion. Only 4% of their stuff is imported according to some brainiac analyst. Which means they can laugh all the way to the bank while everyone else is stuck eating dirt. Heh heh!

From Zero to (Almost) Hero: Dollar General's Rocky Road

It hasn't all been sunshine and butterfingers though. Last year Dollar General's stock took a nosedive faster than Milhouse trying to skateboard. Apparently they had a 'disappointing earnings report'. Ouch! But their CEO Todd Vasos is trying to turn things around focusing on the basics and existing stores. It's like when Skinner tries to 'discipline' us – lots of talk but not much action. Except this time it seems to be working… a little.

Walmartzilla vs. Dollar General: Dawn of Competition

But here's the real kicker: Dollar General is going up against Walmart! That's like me trying to beat Nelson Muntz in a burping contest – not gonna happen. Walmart's got this whole online shopping thing down plus their 'Walmart+' membership is booming. So people can get their groceries delivered without even leaving the couch. That's bad news for Dollar General especially if they’re still relying on me to do all the price tag switching.

The Future is Grim (Unless You Like Discount Hot Dogs)

The nerds are saying that if Trump's tariff stuff doesn't get sorted out and if other money things change Dollar General could be in trouble. See they rely on poor people who don't have much money. (Duh!) And if those poor people have even LESS money… well you do the math. But hey at least they still have discount hot dogs right? I'd say don't have a cow man but it feels insensitive in this context.

So What Does This Mean for Me (Besides More Cheap Candy)?

Honestly I dunno. Maybe I should buy some Dollar General stock. Or maybe I should just stick to pranking Principal Skinner. Either way it's better than doing homework! Eat my shorts economy! Bart out!