Eat My Shorts, China! Trump's Mineral Mania!

Trump's Totally Awesome Plan

Ay caramba! So apparently the big wigs in Washington like this dude Doug Burgum (whoever that is!) are cooking up a plan to make America great again... in the mineral department! They wanna start throwing money at companies that dig up and mess with critical minerals. Why? 'Cause we're too dependent on China man! And that's just bogus!

China's Mineral Mayhem

This Burgum dude says China's been dumping minerals on the market like Milhouse dumping his lunch after cafeteria pizza. This makes it super hard for American companies to compete. It's like trying to win a Krusty Burger eating contest against Homer... rigged I tell ya! They think the U.S. needs to step up and invest in these companies to take on China head to head like a good ol' fashioned pie fight!

Sovereign Wealth Fund? Sounds Expensive!

So the plan is to use something called a 'sovereign wealth fund' (sounds like something Mr. Burns would have!) to invest in American miners. Burgum's all like 'Why doesn't the richest country have the biggest one?' Good question I guess. Maybe they spent all the money on Lisa's saxophones or something.

Rare Earth Rumble

China's already throwing punches though! They've put export controls on rare earth elements 'cause Trump raised tariffs. These rare earths are used in all sorts of important stuff like defense energy and even cars! The U.S. imports a ton of this stuff mostly from China. We're talking 80% of rare earths in 2024! Doh!

Mine Baby Mine!

Burgum's screaming 'We gotta get back in the game!' He says it's not just 'Drill baby drill' anymore it's 'Mine baby mine!' If we don't we'll be at the mercy of whoever controls the supply chains. Sounds like a bad episode of Itchy & Scratchy only with minerals!

Insurance Against Political Pranks

They're even thinking about insurance so if some future president (maybe Lisa?) decides to cancel a mining project the companies get paid back. It's like getting paid back for all the pranks I pull on Principal Skinner... wait maybe I should suggest that! And to close it all off they want to stockpile important minerals in case China gets cheeky and floods the markets. They're calling it The Strategic Mineral Reserve! This whole plan is gonna be huge man! I can feel it in my bones. Now where's my slingshot?