Yeah, Baby! Market Gets Jiggy with Microsoft and Meta... Groovy!

The Market's Got Its Mojo Back Baby!

Alright alright alright! Austin Powers here reporting live from the front lines of the financial world. And what a week it's been baby! The stock market is hotter than a lava lamp at a swingers party all thanks to some seriously groovy earnings from Microsoft and Meta. The S&P 500 is doing the bump for the eighth day in a row! It's like yeah baby the market's back on track to party!

Microsoft: More Than Just Windows Baby!

Microsoft you complete me! Turns out they're not just about those pesky operating systems anymore. Their cloud unit Azure is growing faster than my sideburns in the '60s! And get this: both AI and non AI services are booming. Looks like they've sorted out last quarter's 'execution challenges' whatever those were. My sources tell me that Jim Cramer said 'This is a quality company!' and I couldn't agree more shaguar! They're investing like they're trying to send a rocket to the moon baby!

Apple and Amazon: Will They Bring the Shag or the Drag?

Now Apple and Amazon are stepping up to the plate... err the earnings call. Apple's got some tariff trouble and Jim Cramer reckons 'Apple's going to be problematic.' I mean nobody likes those pesky tariffs do they? And as for Amazon we're all wondering how they're going to keep those prices down baby. It's like they're trying to perform a public service yeah!

Rapid Fire: Pow Baby Pow!

CVS Robinhood McDonald's and Mastercard all got a shout out too! Jim Cramer's got his eye on everything baby! He's like a financial super spy yeah! You can find the stocks he owns in his charitable trust but I ain't telling ya what they are come on!

Trade Alerts: Get 'Em While They're Hot!

Here's the deal: if you subscribe to the CNBC Investing Club you get trade alerts before Jim makes a move. He waits 45 minutes (a veritable eternity in this fast paced world) before buying or selling. And if he's been yapping about a stock on TV he waits a whole 72 hours baby! That's more than enough time to get your mojo working!

Disclaimer Baby Yeah!

Now before you go betting the farm remember: this ain't financial advice baby! No guarantees no promises. Just groovy information to help you make your own shagadelic decisions. Terms conditions and all that jazz apply. Read the fine print before you Austin Powers your life savings yeah!