Groovy Baby! Nissan's Got a Mojo Crisis and Needs a Shagadelic Turnaround!

Oh Behave! Nissan's in a Bit of a Pickle Baby!

Alright alright alright! Austin Powers here your International Man of Mystery and let me tell you things at Nissan are looking a bit 'un groovy'! Their new CEO this Ivan Espinosa fella is saying they need to 'fix themselves'. Sounds like they need a bit of my mojo baby! Apparently they're struggling with sales and this whole 'electric vehicle' thing. It's like Dr. Evil trying to switch to solar power – complicated baby complicated!

Yeah Baby Yeah! But First a Little 'Re Sizing'

Espinosa is talking about slashing 11,000 jobs and shutting down seven plants. Ouch! That's a lot of people feeling 'un groovy' baby. They even flirted with Honda trying to create a 'third largest automaker' love in but that went kaput in February. Sounds like someone got stood up at the altar baby! My advice? Get yourself a new suit and a catchphrase and everything will be alright!

Groovy Ambitions Gone Sour Baby!

Turns out Nissan had these wild dreams of selling 8 million cars a year! They invested like crazy but only hit 5.6 million back in 2016. Now they're limping along at 3.3 million. It's like trying to build a rocket to the moon with only enough fuel to get to… well Slough baby! They need to get their mojo back and fast!

Re:Nissan: More Like Re:Booty Baby!

Espinosa's got this 'Re:Nissan' plan to cut costs and resize the company. Sounds like a facelift and a new pair of hip huggers baby! He says they're 'devoted to it'. Well I hope it involves more than just beige suits and sensible shoes baby! We need some color some excitement some… shagadelic inspiration!

Trump's Tariffs? Not so Groovy Baby!

And to top it all off these tariffs from Donald Trump are making things even harder! Honestly it's enough to make you scream 'Yeah baby yeah!' in frustration. Hopefully Nissan can find a way to make it work and avoid the 'un groovy' consequences!

Austin's Advice? Shag Now Sort the Company Out Later!

So what's the answer? Well I say 'Shag now sort the company out later!' Just kidding (sort of). They need a serious shake up a bit of that Austin Powers magic. They need to rediscover their mojo baby! Because right now their shares are down 24%. That's a 'dangerously un groovy' number baby! Get to it Nissan before Dr. Evil buys you out!