Exxon's Groovy Gains: A Shagadelic Look at Big Oil's Q1!

Is This My Beautiful Earnings Report?!

Groovy baby! Austin Powers here ready to give you the lowdown on Exxon Mobil's first quarter earnings. It appears they've managed to keep their mojo workin' reporting figures that even Dr. Evil would begrudgingly approve of. But hold on not everything is shag carpets and disco balls – the earnings did dip a bit from last year. Oh behave!

Crude Awakening: Trump's Tariffs Throw a Spanner in the Works

Those bloomin' tariffs eh? Apparently President Trump's trade shenanigans are causing a bit of a ruckus in the oil patch. Crude oil prices have taken a tumble sparking fears that global demand is about to go Austin Powers on us – shrinking faster than my dental records in a Swedish dentist's office! But fear not Exxon has a plan baby!

Permian and Guyana: Exxon's Dynamic Duo

Like me and a well placed shag carpet the Permian Basin and Guyana are proving to be a dynamic duo for Exxon. Volume growth in these regions combined with some rather thrifty cost cutting measures has helped offset the pain from those pesky lower oil prices. These cats are living life on the edge!

Production Pandemonium: Up Up and Away!

Global production is booming baby! Exxon is pumping out a staggering 4.55 million barrels per day a 20% increase from last year. That's more oil than you can shake a stick at! It's enough to make even Fat Bastard blush. Global production business posted earnings of $6.76 billion in the quarter an increase of about 19% from $5.66 billion in the same period a year ago.

Money Money Money: Returning the Booty to Shareholders

Exxon is sharing the love baby! They're returning a whopping $9.1 billion to shareholders including $4.3 billion in dividends and $4.8 billion in share purchases. That's enough cheddar to buy a lifetime supply of frilly shirts and velvet trousers! I'm getting hot just thinking about it!

Developing Story: Stay Tuned Baby!

This is a developing story so keep your eyes peeled for more updates. Who knows what shagadelic developments await us? In the meantime keep it groovy baby! Yeah!