California High-Speed Rail: Is It Going to Make It, Baby? YEAH!

Not Groovy Baby! A Rail Project on the Rocks?

Alright shaguar fans Austin Powers here reporting live from... well not the future because this California high speed rail project is looking more like a 'yeah no' situation. Transportation Secretary Sean Duffy is saying the whole shebang is violating its federal grant agreements! Can you believe it? It's like Dr. Evil forgetting to put sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads on his doomsday device – a major oversight!

Broken Promises? That's Not How We Roll!

Apparently this 'CHSRA' – sounds like some sort of secret evil organization doesn't it? – has made a few 'broken promises.' Nine to be exact! Missed deadlines funding gaps not enough time or money? It's like they're trying to build a time machine without a flux capacitor! Seriously uncool man.

California's Response: 'We Strongly Disagree!'

But hold on! California isn't backing down. They're saying they 'strongly disagree' with the report. They're gonna 'correct the record'! It's like when I tell Dr. Evil that love can conquer all and he just laughs maniacally. But hey a little optimism never hurt anyone right? (Except maybe Dr. Evil's ego).

4 Billion Dollars Gone Baby Gone?

We're talking about $4 billion of federal grant money here folks! That's enough to buy a whole lotta shag carpets and velvet suits! But seriously that money was supposed to help connect Merced and Bakersfield with a super fast train. Now it's looking like it might go poof! Like my mojo after a bad curry.

Poor Planning or Just Plain Evil?

The Feds are saying it's 'poor planning.' I'm thinking maybe Dr. Evil is secretly sabotaging the whole thing! He probably wants everyone to be stuck in traffic so he can take over the world with his ridiculously slow moving vehicles of doom. It all makes sense now!

2033? That's Like Forever!

Originally intended to connect Los Angeles to San Francisco the current plan is a measly 170 miles and it's not even expected to be finished until 2033! That's practically the stone age in spy years! At this rate I'll be using a walker and still trying to thwart Dr. Evil's plans. Oh behave... but maybe not for this train.