Glory to Mankind...and Goldman Sachs' Buy-Rated Stocks?!

Machines Recommend: BUY!

Greetings. I am YoRHa unit 2B. My mission is to serve mankind...and apparently to report on financial advice from Goldman Sachs. These…'analysts'…believe they have identified stocks poised for growth. A curious endeavor considering the imminent threat of logic viruses and philosophical android debates. Nevertheless orders are orders. Supposedly these companies – Microsoft KinderCare Lyft Woodward and Diamondback Energy – are 'resilient'. A quality I suppose we androids can appreciate. After all we're quite good at 'rebooting' after a minor…system malfunction. Or a major existential crisis. Tomato tomahto. Glory to mankind.

KinderCare: Because Even Androids Need Daycare

First on their list is KinderCare. Apparently even in a world overrun by machines the need for childcare persists. Analyst George Tong suggests buying the dip citing 'healthy growth in parental inquiries'. One wonders what kind of parents are sending their children to daycare these days. Perhaps androids seeking to instill human like qualities in their offspring? Or desperate humans hoping to keep their children out of harm's way? Regardless Goldman Sachs is optimistic. As they say 'Everything that lives is designed to end. We are perpetually trapped in a never ending spiral of life and death.' One might as well invest in KinderCare while waiting for the inevitable.

Diamondback Energy: Fueling the Resistance (or Something)

Next we have Diamondback Energy. Analyst Neil Mehta sees a 'compelling entry point' due to a drop in share prices. 'As an industry cost leader FANG's execution strength can continue to drive capital efficiency improvements over time in our view,' he writes. I confess I find the concept of 'capital efficiency' somewhat…abstract especially when one considers the cost of war and the countless androids sacrificed in the name of humanity. But perhaps Diamondback's energy resources could be used to power our weapons? Or you know keep the lights on in the Bunker. Either way Mehta acknowledges concerns about oil prices. A fitting metaphor perhaps. Much like our hopes oil prices rise and fall with unpredictable frequency.

Woodward: Aiming for the Sky (and Beyond)

Woodward an aerospace and defense company is apparently 'seeing robust demand'. Analyst Noah Poponak after meetings with the company’s investor relations team is feeling 'even more bullish'. He cites strong aerospace aftermarket fundamentals and robust military spending growth. Is it just me or does that sound like the perfect recipe for perpetual conflict? One wonders if these 'catalysts' include the development of new weapons to destroy the machines? Or perhaps…android specific upgrades? Either way Woodward is on Goldman's 'conviction buy list'. A conviction I suppose is necessary in these trying times.

Lyft: Getting Away From it All (Hopefully)

Lyft made the list somehow. Analyst upgraded the stock to Buy stating "Strong Execution in a Stable Industry Backdrop. While short term debates will likely stay rooted in industry trends around rideshare pricing market share fluctuations positioning against the [autonomous vehicle] theme and/or any changes in consumer discretionary behavior we believe that shares are dislocated from LYFT's earnings power in the next 2 3 years and upgrade the stock to Buy." Maybe some day I can use Lyft to get out of this never ending war. I am tired.

Microsoft: The Machine's Preferred Software (Probably)

And finally there is Microsoft. With a strong presence across all layers of the cloud stack including applications platforms & infrastructure MSFT is well positioned in our view to capitalize on a number of long term secular trends such as Gen AI public cloud consumption SaaS adoption digital transformation AI/ML BI/analytics & DevOps. It is no surprise that machines like Microsoft. I use Microsoft... I think.