Wells Fargo Beats Earnings But Stock Tanks What's Going On!

Earnings Beat Expectations! Or Did They?

Okay so Wells Fargo apparently had a decent quarter...or so they say. Adjusted earnings per share at $1.39 a whole 16% higher year over year! That’s like...ludicrous speed compared to well whatever snail paced growth they had before. They even managed to 'beat' the $1.24 estimate. Beat it like I beat those legacy automakers in the EV race. But hold on to your Dogecoins folks because...

Revenue Reality Check: Not Exactly To The Moon

And then we get to revenue: $20.15 billion. Sounds like a lot right? Wrong! Wall Street was expecting $20.75 billion. That's like promising a trip to Mars and only making it to...Nebraska. Good old Nebraska is great but it's no Mars. So yeah a miss. As I always say 'I think it is possible for ordinary people to choose to be extraordinary.' But this wasn't very extraordinary was it?

Stock Tanks: The Unintended Consequence

Naturally because the market is as rational as a Twitter debate the stock fell 2% in morning trading. Classic. It’s like they’re saying 'Thanks for the earnings but also *shakes fist at the sky*.' I mean come on! It's almost as if I should buy Wells Fargo and revolutionize Banking. X marks the spot... for a new era of digital finance.

Net Interest Income: Downward Spiral

Here’s where it gets spicy (not Grimes spicy but still). Net interest income that crucial thing banks live and breathe by fell 6% to $11.50 billion. Downward spiral? Maybe. Or maybe just a temporary blip before we launch it into orbit. Non interest income at least rose 1% to $8.65 billion. So you know small victories. Like when I manage to tweet something controversial *and* funny. It's tough but I manage to get it done.

Scharf's Trade War Jitters: Trump Derangement Syndrome?

And then comes CEO Charlie Scharf sounding like he’s auditioning for a role in a doomsday movie. He's all worried about the Trump administration and global trade. 'Timely resolution,' he says 'would be good for businesses.' No kidding Charlie! It's like saying oxygen is good for breathing. 'We expect continued volatility,' he whines. Well duh! Volatility is the spice of life! Embrace the chaos Charlie like I embrace Twitter trolls.

Buybacks and Credit Losses: Hiding the Funk?

Wells Fargo bought back $3.5 billion worth of shares. Buybacks...the classic move when you're not sure what else to do. And they set aside $932 million for credit losses. Translation: They're bracing for impact. The future is uncertain! Still I'm sure that Wells Fargo will survive. And if not I will buy it and turn it into the greatest bank the world has ever seen. Banking 2.0. It's a thing I swear.