Newsmax Stock Implodes Did They Forget About the Xenomorph!?

Another Day Another Disaster…

Alright people Ripley here. Just when I thought I'd seen it all – xenomorphs Weyland Yutani corporate greed Parker’s whining – I stumble across this story about Newsmax’s stock doing a face hugger impersonation on the New York Stock Exchange. Apparently it surged over 2,000% in two days and then went belly up faster than a rookie on their first bug hunt. Makes you wonder doesn't it? Are we dealing with a company or a queen alien waiting to hatch?

The 'New GME'? More Like the 'New Nostromo'!

These day traders bless their cotton socks started calling Newsmax 'the new GME.' Now I'm no financial whiz but I know a bad investment when I see one. Reminds me of when Burke tried to sneak those face huggers onto the Sulaco. 'For the advancement of science,' he said. Yeah right. Just like these folks thought they could ride Newsmax to the bank. Turns out it's more like riding the Nostromo straight into LV 426.

Small Float? More Like a Zero G Spin!

The article mentions Newsmax had a 'small float' of shares available. Less than 6%! That’s like telling me I only get six bullets against a horde of xenomorphs! You're setting people up for a massacre. And a speculative boom turned bust. It’s a recipe for disaster folks. Remember what Bishop said? 'Impossible to predict technological development.' Well I guess that applies to stock prices too.

Ratings Rise and Falls

They rode the Trump train and the ratings went up. Good for them. But just because some folks watch it doesn't mean it's a solid investment. It appears they went public via a Regulation A offering instead of a traditional initial public offering. Sounds risky. It appears the intent was to sell to retail investors which it did. It doesn't take much to impress people.

Corporate Greed…Again!

This whole saga stinks of corporate greed just like Weyland Yutani trying to weaponize the xenomorphs. These companies lure people in with promises and hype only to leave them stranded when things go south. And let me tell you stranded on LV 426 is better than being stranded with a portfolio full of worthless stock.

Final Thoughts: Stay Frosty Invest Wisely!

So what's the moral of the story? Stay frosty. Do your research. And for the love of all that is holy don't invest in anything that reminds you of a xenomorph infestation. Because in space no one can hear you scream and on Wall Street no one cares when your portfolio implodes. Now if you'll excuse me I need a stiff drink and a flamethrower. Just in case.