Aw, Phooey! Tesla Tanks, Steel Soars, and I'm Still Broke!

Tesla's Terrible Tuesday (or Monday I Forgot!)

Aw gee whiz! That blasted Tesla's having a quack up in Europe! Seems like nobody's buying those electric jalopies anymore. They dropped 3%! Three whole percent! That's almost as much as my temper rises when Huey Dewey and Louie steal my pie! "Oh boy oh boy oh boy," as they always say. Well *I* ain't saying 'oh boy' about *this*!

Ads Automated?! Now What's a Duck to Do?

And get this! Those big shot advertising companies are all in a flap because Meta – you know the Facebook fellas – are gonna use robots to make ads! Robots! What's gonna happen to all those poor advertising ducks? Are they gonna end up jobless like me after one of Scrooge's cost cutting schemes? "Dollars shillings half crowns and francs!" He'll be singing that all the way to the bank! Omnicom WPP Interpublic... all DOWN! Down I tell you! Phooey!

Steel's Steely Surge Thanks to... Him!

But hold on to your hats folks because here comes the good news! Steel's gone through the roof! Up up UP! That Donald fellow doubled the tariffs on steel imports! Cleveland Cliffs Nucor Steel Dynamics – all laughing all the way to the BANK! 24%! 10%! Scrooge McDuck would be proud... or maybe just jealous. I can hear him now 'Great Caesar's ghost!'

Blueprint Gets a Billion Dollar Bird Bath!

Now this Blueprint Medicines bunch got bought out by Sanofi for a whopping $9.5 billion! That's a LOT of clams! Enough to buy a lifetime supply of orange juice... if I could afford it. They're gonna be swimmin' in the green stuff I tell ya. Guess they're saying "What's the good of being a millionaire if you can't be happy?" Well try being broke then get back to me!

Sports Betting Gets Taxed... Ouch!

Oh and those sports betting companies? DraftKings Flutter Entertainment Rush Street Interactive? They're getting hammered by new taxes! Even that ETF thingy BETZ took a dive. Guess Illinois lawmakers decided to squeeze 'em for every last dime... just like Scrooge squeezing me for rent! "All I want is something for nothing," Scrooge always says.

Digital Deals and Cancer Cures?!

Lastly this Applied Digital company is quackers for joy soaring 40%! They've inked some juicy deals with CoreWeave. And BioNTech is teaming up with Bristol Myers Squibb to fight cancer! That's good news. Some good news. Maybe just maybe there's hope for us all yet... even if I'm still struggling to pay my bills! This whole market's enough to make a duck lose his feathers! Aw phooey!