Ehhh, What's Up Doc? Stocks Go Hare-Wire!

Google Gets Goosed!

Ooh tough break for Google! Seems a federal judge decided they were hogging all the online ad space. Monopolies eh? What's next no more carrots for bunnies? I say that ain't fair folks. Now I ain't no judge but as the saying goes "Of course you realize this means war!"

Hertz Goes From Zero to Hero!

Now this is a story! Hertz that car rental company zoomed up faster than Yosemite Sam chasing me! Seems some fella named Bill Ackman bought a big ol' chunk of the company. 50% jump eh? That's enough to make anyone say "Eh could be worse!"

Chipmakers Chipped!

Nvidia and AMD those chip fellas took a tumble. Blame it on tariffs they say. Sounds like someone's been playing a little too rough with China if you ask me. “What a maroon!” Always gotta be some kinda ruckus don't there?

Mergers and Mayhem!

Global Payments is buying Worldpay and Fidelity National Information Services is dancing around too. Shares went up shares went down... it's enough to make a rabbit dizzy! Reminds me of the time I outsmarted Elmer Fudd with a little stock market trickery myself... but that's another story. Ahem I digress.

TSMC's Triumphant Turn!

Taiwan Semiconductor's been eatin' their carrots! Their first quarter results were top notch better than anyone expected. Even with all the talk about tariffs they're keepin' their cool. Now that's what I call a "Hare Raising" performance!

UnitedHealth's Unhealthy Drop!

Uh oh! UnitedHealth took a nosedive. Earnings weren't so hot and they had to lower their expectations. Tough luck doc! Now if you'll excuse me I think I'll go munch on a carrot. Seems like a healthier investment eh?