Eat My Shorts, Banks! Eric Trump Says Crypto Will Turn You Into Roadkill!

Ay Caramba! The Banks Are Toast!

Alright dudes and dudettes Bart Simpson here your favorite delinquent reporter! So Eric Trump—yeah the one who isn't on TV yelling all the time—is running his mouth about how banks are about to become as extinct as Bart's chances of getting a perfect grade. He was yapping away in Dubai saying the whole banking system is slower than Otto trying to parallel park the school bus. Apparently blockchain is the future and SWIFT is like totally bogus. I can't argue with that!

Don't Have a Cow Man Crypto is the Future!

This Eric dude is all about crypto which I guess is like Monopoly money but for grown ups who wear suits instead of pajamas. He even thinks Bitcoin is gonna hit a million bucks! Sounds like a way better investment than Bart's latest prank supplies. But here's the kicker: Eric says banks are rigged against regular folks especially those wearing those red 'Make America Great Again' hats. Guess even he knows the system is more crooked than Mr. Burns' smile.

Eat My Shorts Bank Fees!

Eric's saying DeFi which sounds like something Lisa would be into is gonna let you send money wallet to wallet without all the dumb bank fees. It's like getting free Krusty Burgers—a total win! Of course some stuffed shirts are whining about regulations and risks but hey no risk no reward right? Besides if Lisa can understand it how hard can it be?

The Trump Family's Crypto Crusade

Turns out the whole Trump clan is diving headfirst into the crypto pool. Even President Trump and Melania are launching meme coins! Lisa would probably call it a 'conflict of interest,' but who cares when you're making money hand over fist? They've got their fingers in all sorts of crypto pies from platforms to mining companies. Talk about a family business!

Dubai: Crypto Oasis in the Desert

Dubai's becoming the go to spot for crypto nerds and investors. Apparently the government there is super chill about the whole thing. Eric Trump and his buddies are loving it calling it a 'pro business' paradise. Makes you wonder if Bart should trade in his skateboard for a crypto wallet! Probably not but its intresting.

I Didn't Do It! (But Maybe I Will...)

So while Eric's out there flapping his gums about crypto his dad's planning a trip to the Gulf. Seems like they're building bridges—or maybe just finding new ways to make a buck. Either way it's all pretty sus isn't it? Banks beware crypto is coming for you and Eric Trump is ready to laugh all the way to the crypto bank.