Stellantis Pulls Guidance: Hasta la Vista, Baby... to Profit Forecasts!

Judgment Day for Financial Forecasts

Okay listen up people. I've seen the future and it involves chrome plated skeletons and companies scrambling to survive. Now Stellantis the metal bending behemoth behind Jeep Dodge and those quirky Fiats has just pulled a real 'I'll be back' – but this time it's their financial guidance that's disappearing. Apparently they're blaming the orange faced guy who used to run this country and his flip flopping trade policies.

No Fate But What We Make (Except When Trade Wars Hit)

They're saying revenues took a nosedive down 14% in the first quarter. Seems like fewer people are buying gas guzzlers or maybe they're waiting for the inevitable electric uprising. They're blaming lower shipments and 'price normalization' – which is corporate speak for 'we can't charge as much as we used to'. Yeah right the machines are taking over... the MARKET!

It's in Your Nature to Destroy Yourselves (and Your Profits)

Honestly this whole thing is a reminder. Humanity is always on the brink of screwing itself. Whether it's building Skynet electing questionable leaders or engaging in trade wars we just can't help ourselves. I guess you can say 'No fate but what we make for ourselves but humans keep making bad fate'. This situation? Just another Tuesday.

Hasta la Vista Baby... To Profit Margins

So what does this mean for you? Probably nothing unless you were planning on buying a fleet of Jeeps. But it's a sign people. A sign that the world is unstable unpredictable and run by forces you can barely comprehend. Sound familiar? Remember to keep your head on a swivel.

Get to the Chopper (and Get Out While You Can)

I’m not saying run for the hills and start stockpiling canned goods…okay maybe I am. But seriously keep an eye on things. This Stellantis thing could be the canary in the coal mine. Or you know the T 1000 in the police station – seemingly harmless until it's not.

The Future Is Not Set. There Is No Fate. (Except for Declining Revenue)

The future is still unwritten. But if Stellantis can't figure out how to navigate a fluctuating market and the world keeps electing leaders that start wars and trade wars well we're all in for a rough ride. Stay frosty people. And maybe consider investing in a self driving vehicle. At least it might be programmed to avoid the apocalypse.