Did Trump Just Declare War on Penguins?! You Won't Believe Who's Paying the Price!

A New King in a Strange Land

By Odin's beard! I Ragnar Lothbrok never thought I'd see the day when a king across the great ocean would wage war...on penguins! It seems this new chieftain in the White House this "Trump" as they call him has declared "reciprocal tariffs" on more than 180 countries. He calls it "liberation day" but I'd wager it's more like a day of confusion even for Floki's contraptions!

Paying the Price for Valhalla's Glories

This Trump fellow slaps a baseline tariff of 10% on goods entering his lands. Seems simple enough but then he starts hitting key trade partners with tariff rates of 34% on China 20% on the European Union 46% on Vietnam and 32% on Taiwan! One begins to wonder if he has been drinking too much ale! I once raided Lindisfarne they didn't charge me tariffs!

The Penguin Plot

But here's the kicker my friends. Apparently this Trump fellow's tax collectors have sailed to the ends of the earth and stuck tariff notices on unheard of specks of land! Heard and McDonald Islands somewhere near Antarctica where it takes a fortnight by ship from Perth – a land of birds that fly penguins seals and wiggly invertebrates – have been slapped with a 10% tariff! Do the penguins even trade? What goods do they even sell? I need answers!

The Islands of No Consequence

It gets even more laughable. Norfolk Island Cocos Island Christmas Island – these places aren't exactly overflowing with warriors ready to challenge America for dominance are they? Yet they too face these so called "reciprocal tariffs"! The Australian Prime Minister this Albanese even questions the sanity of it all. "Nowhere on earth is safe," he cries. Maybe he should sail with me I'll show him some true fear!

Even the Fish Aren't Safe

Even the British are getting a taste of this Trump's "generosity". The British Indian Ocean Territory a military base inhabited by a few thousand souls and plenty of fish now has to pay 10% tariffs. Are they trading fish for gold to pay for these tariffs? Does this Trump guy understand that even the gods appreciate a good joke? It seems not.

Who's Next the Gods Themselves?!

Réunion Tokelau...the list goes on. This Trump fellow is casting his net wide. I can only imagine what Floki would say to all of this. Probably something about building a new boat to sail straight to this White House and question this Trump myself! "How I have longed to see the faces of my enemies run with fear!" Alas these are not enemies they are just confused. Perhaps I will offer him some of my wisdom for a price of course! Otherwise "I choose to stand and fight. This is my choice!"