Bean Counters: Barclays Bank Makes a Bob or Two!

A Spot of Tea and a Mountain of Money!

Right so I heard that Barclays the bank – you know the one that isn't my piggy bank – has done rather well. Apparently they made £2.7 billion! That's a lot of money for buying jelly beans even for me. They say it's 'pre tax profit,' whatever that means. Sounds like something you clean your car with. Teddy would love that! It's more than expected which is good I think. Unless you expected more then it's bad. Confusing isn’t it? Like trying to understand why Mrs. Wicket always shouts at me.

Investment Bank What Now?

Apparently their 'investment bank unit' did rather well. I don't know what that is but it sounds like somewhere you put your spare socks. They made 16% more money which is like finding an extra biscuit in the tin. Always a good thing! Mr. Venkatakrishnan who I assume is the boss man said something about 'market volatility.' Sounds like when I try to drive my Mini up a hill. Wobbly but hopefully gets you there in the end!

Trumpets and Tariffs! Oh Dear!

Now this is where it gets a bit...well a bit like trying to assemble flat pack furniture without the instructions. Something about 'trade wars' and Donald Trump. It seems these 'tariffs' are causing a bit of a kerfuffle. Barclays has been in America since they got the bits of a bank called 'Lehman Brothers.' It's like picking up the pieces after I've tried to make a sandwich. Messy!

Wobbling But Not Falling Over!

Mr. Venkatakrishnan thinks things are going to be 'volatile,' which I think means things will go up and down a lot. Like my trousers when I accidentally sit on a whoopee cushion. He says it might make companies not want to make decisions. I know the feeling. Deciding what to have for tea is stressful enough! All these grown up things are headache inducing. Maybe I should just stick to watching television.

Brits Beat the Blues (and the EU)!

Apparently Britain leaving Europe might actually be a good thing for once. Like when I accidentally glue my trousers to a chair and it turns out to be surprisingly comfortable. Something about tariffs and London being better at trade. All I know is maybe I can finally afford that new rubber chicken I've been eyeing up! They can worry about the balance sheets.

Less Competition More Tea!

Other banks are closing down bits and pieces which means Barclays has less to worry about. Like when Mrs. Wicket goes on holiday and I have the whole house to myself! More room for Teddy and me. So all in all things seem to be going rather well for Barclays. Now if you'll excuse me I have a date with a jar of pickled onions. Cheerio!