Maersk's Wild Ride: Tariffs, Trade Wars, and To the Moon (Maybe?)

Q1 Profits: Turns Out We're Not Dead Yet!

Well well well looks like even with all the chaos Maersk managed to pull a rabbit (or maybe a very large container ship) out of its hat. Q1 EBITDA at $2.71 billion up a whopping 70%! Color me surprised… Pleasantly surprised of course. It's like DogeCoin unexpectedly mooning. But hey as I always say 'I think it is possible for ordinary people to choose to be extraordinary.' And Maersk you’ve been extraordinary this quarter.

Trump Tariffs: Making Trade Great Again... Or Just Confusing?

Ah yes the elephant in the room – or should I say the 145% import duty. Trump's trade policies are like a Neuralink prototype; a great idea in theory but sometimes the execution is... let's just say 'challenging.' These tariffs are causing more turbulence than a Falcon Heavy landing. Maersk CEO Vincent Clerc says it's mostly a China U.S. issue right now but 'a lot of volatility ahead.' You don't say! It's like discovering your rocket's autopilot was programmed by a toddler. Fun times!

Containergeddon: Volumes Down Panic Up?

So here's the kicker: China U.S. container market volumes have plummeted 30 40% in April. Ouch. That's like the Starship exploding on the launchpad – not ideal. Folks are hitting the brakes taking a 'wait and see' approach. Smart move I guess. No one wants to be stuck holding the bag when the tariff war turns into a full blown trade Armageddon. We need to find a solution or we're all gonna be living in cardboard boxes… which admittedly would be pretty meta for a shipping company.

Red Sea Blues: Disruption in Paradise (or Shipping Lanes)

And just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder the Red Sea decides to throw a party… a disruption party that is. Expected to continue throughout the year. It's like having to reroute your Mars mission through Venus because someone parked a rogue asteroid in the way. Logistics people logistics! 'The path to the CEO's office should not be through the CFO's office and it should not be through the marketing department. It needs to be through engineering and design.'

2025: To the Moon or Bust? (Probably Bust)

Maersk is sticking to its 2025 profit guidance of $6 9 billion which is... ambitious let's say. Global container market volume growth forecast revised to 1% to 4%. So basically could go up could go down could spontaneously combust. Makes predicting Starship's next flight look like child's play. Still as I always say 'Failure is an option here. If things are not failing you are not innovating enough.' So bring on the failure! (But maybe not too much).

Shares Down: Buy the Dip or Run for the Hills?

Shares are down 2.5%? Pfft that's nothing. A minor blip on the radar. A rounding error. A chance to buy the dip! Or you know maybe run for the hills. I'm not a financial advisor. I just build rockets and tweet questionable things. But hey Fortune favors the bold... or at least the people who can afford to lose a few bucks on the stock market. As for me I'm busy trying to figure out how to ship DogeCoin to Mars.